Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Newbie here, I've been reading and watching, but looking for advice now.
My stitch: Married 14.5 yrs, 2 kids (8 and 3), W tells me that she had planned on leaving when we have to move in about 7 months. That was a month ago. I of course did the begging, pleading routine and immediately a lot of self-reflection. Her reasons for leaving are classic WAW spouse. I realize what I was failing in and have changed completely. I hit bottom, I've changed. What she has promised is to stick around and see if she can even get to a place where she is willing to work on things again.
In the meantime, I've learned there is another OM. Long distance EA is what i see, there may have been some PA this summer but now that not possible as they are in thousands of miles apart. She of course claims they are just special/good friends.
Since then, I see they talk on the phone at least 30 mins each day (sometimes 60+ even though they both work) and about 40-50 texts go back and forth each day. I've seen some of the texts which include the I love yous. She is suspicious I may have seen it the one day, but doesn't know. I did the 180 and didn't say a word. If I do bring it up, I'll be calm/cool about it which will be a 180 on all other conversations we've had about this OM.
Also, things have started to get a little better between us. For the first time in months, there is a little affection. Some touching, a hug or two, and two nights of me holding her as we go to sleep.
I'm tormented. I was ready to confront about what I know about the affair when things started to get a little better between us. It's now a few days before xmas.
I've read DB and have applied a lot of the techniques, though I'm human and hurting and aren't always perfect.
The other day she offered to sit down and talk and I could ask anything to understand better what she is going thru. I told her I needed to think about things. She brought it up again the next night and I told her I wasn't ready.
Do I ask about the affair? Do I expose the affair? (I know she will deny it. She still talks to me about the OM assuming I'm buying they are just good friends). Do I wait till after xmas?
Advice is appreciated.
I have decided that I want to salvage our marriage and make it stronger than it ever was before and I know i can if she is willing and if I can get trust back.
Thanks!