Hi Cutter! Glad you are still following around and doing ok! I've tried to follow your sitch here and there also... You are always welcome on any of my threads
Hope, thanks so much for your reply, that is very helpful. I think you are right about what triggered the anger this time around. And, also that H did not seem to understand at all why this triggered me.
We talked last night a little more about it, and then more generally about some of the things that we are both struggling with. It started out as an argument, due to H's frustrations with S15 and our pre-existing issue that H thinks I am too soft with him and I think he is too harsh with him.... But... it evolved into a healthy discussion about some issues we have never found a healthy way to resolve, things we are both working on, reassurances from H, and ML... which was very passionate and tender.
I did tell him some of my triggers during this discussion, some of which he gets, some not, but that's ok.
I know he is expecting more trust than what is reasonable, and my reading on this subject has helped me realize that is quite common on the part of WAS. Part of wanting to sweep it under the carpet and not have to face too much of the guilt I guess.
But, Hope, I agree that blind trust is STUPID! Like most of us here, I have struggled with the fact that my H is the last person I would have ever imagined doing this (most people in our lives don't know and if it ever comes out there will be shock waves in our world like you would not believe! People will NOT believe it!) And, based on this... like you, I ignored my gut feelings way too long before it progressed so far. Like you, it was not until H was ready to D me and marry OW that I finally acted. I regret that too! So much.... But, that is the past and can't do anything about it.
I also had some opportunities to express my anger about OW and her actions, disrespect for me and the kids etc. H said it was good for him to hear that (and also see the fight in me) because he knows he needs to remember how "aggregious" what happened was to me. He talked about how he and OW "normalized" and justified their behavior and he needs to be reminded that that was f'ked up thinking! Which it was! Glad he can see that now, and verbalize it himself....lol
Thanks for validating where I am at Hope....when the next wave comes I will look at what triggers it and try to communicate that.
