Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

What about breaking down and answering him now about if I have a lawyer and to say let's start mediation? I'm feeling I'm out of solutions and I must back down. I don't feel I have any power and he's won. I need money.

[newmama]

Oh...you mean breaking NC to initiate proceedings? Is it the only way you can get money? Can you wait until after Christmas?

[Day by Day]

What do you think is better about waiting until after Xmas? It's looking like I won't have everything ready for tomorrow for the lawyer though. I guess it'll have to wait. It is the only way to get money now.

I'm trying to think of how to go about it and still be strong.

[Day by Day]

Need help responding to text from H:

Hello DBD, I want to spend time with the kids on Xmas eve to give them their gifts too. I could pick them up around 7pm and return them later that night... since you have them the entire 25th. If I don't hear from you I'll assume you are in agreement. Thx."

We did not make plans about where they will be. I made plans with them for the 24th evening already.

[P17]

We did not make plans about where they will be. I made plans with them for the 24th evening already.

Then tell him that.

Was he not invited over on the 25th and he said he would be at his parents?

If I don't hear from you I'll assume you are in agreement.

He is trying to get you to break NC.

[Day by Day]

I need to keep it short and simple, right.

Wow he doesn't want to spend that much time with them. Only a few hours on Xmas eve and not Xmas day.

Not me about the invite... I did not invite him over and his parents live out of the country.

Yeah, he's trying to get me to break NC. How can I use this to my advantage?

[newmama]

Tell him "sorry, already made plans on the 24th." and make him solve the problem!

In your case, staying "cold" in tone is best, I think. It is 180 of you normally, right, and he is acting like an $%$#* so it is best.

I say wait until after Christmas, if you can afford it, because it will prolong the process a bit and hopefully he will have some emotional reaction to this year's Christmas. Just a thought.

[Day by Day]

Thanks for checking in. You are right. I'm spinning now while doing the paperwork. Just seeing all the things that still connect us. It feels we are divorced without the official word. I'm really hoping you are right newmama about Christmas having an effect on him (if he can get in touch with his heart).

I replied: "Hello H,

Responding to your email about Xmas plans.

I made plans for them for the 24th evening already. You can spend time with them on the 25th or early the 24th. I need them by 3pm the 24th."

[newmama]

DBD, what I mean by emotional response is maybe softening about the money issue at a minimum. I did not mean that he would call off the divorce.Just wanted to clarify.

Do you think your kids will be happy to see him?

[Day by Day]

Yeah, unfortunately I don't think it would be for him to call off the divorce. I just wish his heart would soften and some of the fog would clear.

The kids are with him now and not happy to be with him. S texted me that he is bored and wants to come home and already told H.

We have no plans for the rest of the month for visitation. I know I need to keep NC but want to avoid more conflict with H. He hasn't tried to schedule anything else besides couple hours on Xmas eve.