the mlc - when does it turn? NOT for me but for my kids.
he left me. he left family.
but if he left ME - if I was teh problem then why is he not being a father/dad to the kids? why does he only contact d13 on the friday he comes to pick her up? what is wrong with him??
Seriously - i understnad (dont like it) but i get that he wanted away from me...but his kids??!!! this is just ridiculous.
and d13... she has been showing/sharing sides of missing her daddy adn desiring a closeness with him. he is a jerk
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
but if he left ME - if I was teh problem then why is he not being a father/dad to the kids? why does he only contact d13 on the friday he comes to pick her up? what is wrong with him??
Seriously - i understnad (dont like it) but i get that he wanted away from me...but his kids??!!! this is just ridiculous.
I don't understand it either. It seems that it's not just us that they are running away from, but responsibility of any type, including the kids. My W does the same thing. She knows that she could drop by after work any evening, or at least call S7 around bedtime to tell him goodnight, but never has done that since she left. It's selfishness at its worse, probably mixed with a good dose of guilt that causes them to act this way.
Me 45 WAW 36 S8 T 15 M 12 Multiple PA's since 6/07 W moved out 10/25/09 I filed D 12/29/09 Sitch
Why would you think the MLC has anything to do with just you. It is about your spouse, they will destroy whatever is in their wake. That is why you must take care of yourself and your kids.
I asked this question on my thread as my children are totally confused and distraught with the way they are being treated by H. They have lost a caring, supportive father who loved them unconditionally to a man who ignores them when he wants to and opts in when it suits him.
Snodderly gave me the following insight inot how H feel about their children during MLC which I found helpful
'They resent their children because they see that their children have all of the things that they didn't have at the same age. Usually, you will discover that he will favor one child over the other...that will come in time. Your h has to find his way and relearn how to communicate w/his children. After all, his mentality is that of a 10/12 year old.
You see the grown man's body of what was once your husband. Now, you need to learn to accept him for who he is right now...that young kid trying to grow up. It's difficult and it will take time to better understand the dynamics behind mlc, but if you read the postings in the archives, you will learn quite a bit.
Unfortunately, you are going to have to be the adult and both parents to your children for a while. Is it fair? No, but your children need stability and to know that you are there for them while their father is on the Mother Ship.'
Hey Cagz. We will make it through this. I am just staying far away from my ex as I can. I don't want to be a part of the MLC anymore. I will watch from a distance and move on for now. Thinking of you. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year or should I say a much better New Year.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
slowly the door has closed. the window shades no longer open to see if he is peaking around the corner... closing off what i never thought i could.. (yes an analogy its all i have)
still love. can't believe that.. but i do. but not like before... at a distance... yet i am moving on.
here i go... slowly ahead.. short small steps.. dont look to far ahead.. some days just to the next moment.. other days the heart is good....
the tears are not as hot as they were.. but they still show themselves.
the pain - the loss - it is real. i pray i never forget. i pray that God will use this in my life for good..
man this was hard..
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
This whole thing sucks. You are doing well. Don't be so hard on yourself for feeling what you are feeling or being who you are. You are an absolutely wonderful person whose ex made a lifelong mistake. His major loss....
Sometimes when I am feeling distraught, I remember how I felt when ex told me he loved his secretary, when he told me I did not dress like he wanted, when he showed up in court with his secretary, when he told me I was a bad cook, the list goes on and on and on..... I remember those times and I am glad he is gone for now, maybe forever. I am trusting that God has a plan for me and it will be revealed in his timing.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
