Increasingly I am feeling that enough is enough. I want the settlement and the divorce now because I am just so tired of living in limbo. I am tired of viewing everything he does in a positive light and excusing his temper tantrums.
He wants to have it all and I've given him everything including my friendship for very little in return...my fault, I know. You get what you tolerate.
Finally, I've decided I deserve more, to do better for me than just making do with the left over crumbs from H. I know that if anyone else treated me this way I wouldn't accept it.
I will check in here as I want to maintain contact with people but I think in the long term I need to take break to re-establish myself. I'm on facebook so hopefully I will catch most people there. Let me know if you are on FB and I'll look you up.
The good news is that we have finally sold our business! I started talking financial settlement with H yesterday and he seemed quite agreeable to my opinions (that was yesterday....tomorrow could be a whole new story!) Funny thing was he said he had to go and couldn't finish the convo cos he was very busy.
(((Cas))) How are you feeling about selling the business? It could be to do with breaking ties like that. I felt a lot of anger at the time of selling the house. You have to feel it to get through it, even if it is horrid. But don't dwell.
Sorry I haven't been around much, I've been taking a bit of a break.
I'm on holidays and I've been spring cleaning and I think the cleaning plus the Christmas season is getting to me. I found letters and cards H had sent me and I had a few tears as I re-read them and I felt both angry and regretful that the love we once shared is now gone and over.
S went to the business dinner the other night and the stuff he relayed about OW really confirms that H is a totally different person if he's satisfied with her. She's the very person H would have mocked in the past. However, she hangs on his every word and this obviously makes him feel good.
Selling the business was a relief, I think but I guess the settlement anxiety raises its head now. When my brother and his family arrive I'll be distracted again.
I too have not been around as much, work is crazy and trying to put 100% into re-establishing our relationship but I have been lurking in the background.
Cas it is understandable that you are feeling a whole range of emotions at this point as things are now moving toward closure of the life you once shared with your H. Let the emotions out, deal with them and then you will be okay,I am sure you have strength in you to get through this, it won't be easy but at least at the end you will be able to move forward and do the things your heart desires. Be strong Cas, I am thinking of you (believe me I am) and will be sending prayers of support your way.
Hopefully once you are ready and able we will still be able to meet.
It must be quite hurtful having to find things and knowing it all seems lost, I keep feeling drawn to the pot where H has left his wedding ring, although I know we are practically back together, well living together most of the week and him just going to do his hobbies, I still keep going to look in the hope he may have put it back on or at least taken it with him.. Im on FB too and have just joined the DB Xmas group, I dont really want to put my name on here incase H ever did a search it would pull it up! So give me a clue to follow!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
This time of year is always hard I think, well January always seems to be worse for me (which is why I'm heading to the other side of the world!!). Distraction is good, but it is completely understandable that you are feeling the way you are.
I don't understand why they choose ow, apparently ow in my sitch is thick as. Jody said to me once that to H I was the prize; to ow our h's are the prize which is obviously an ego boost. That is why I think it is important that we get our spirit back . That is why I have found Gucci's advice invaluable. Be strong Cas.
Hello again Oz, Rabbit and Julia and thanks for your support. It's certainly much appreciated. I am determined now that this is the end of my M and I will be proceeding with settlement and divorce. I am tired and I need to put me, my kids and my health first. It doesn't mean it will be easy but I am not prepared to spend the rest of my days being in a relationship where H shows such little respect and care for me. It's still all about him and although he has improved it's honestly not even close to where he should be. I am always looking out for him and excusing his behaviour. I have accepted my responsibility but as yet, he has not. The reality is that I deserve more than he can give.
My 'downer' from the past days I think has come from my cleaning....I have cleared a lot of stuff including my wedding dress and lots of other personal stuff. Hopefully it's also been about clearing myself and cleansing and healing me. I needed to feel this pain so I can move on to bigger and better things.
I do want to stay in touch with you guys. I will be forever grateful for your care and support in the worst time of my life. This was so much more difficult than anything i have ever experienced.
Oz, I will be coming to Melbourne in January. I need to confirm dates with my brother as I will be staying with him. Will you be going away? I will let you know here and we can arrange a date...a Friday is best for you. Can we meet in the city, do you think?
Julia, when are you departing? It would be good to be able to catch up with you! Keep in touch, esp if you decide to divert to the GC or Melbourne. Give us some dates for different places so we can follow your itinerary. Will you post on FB while away? You already have my email from FB anyway.
Now Rabbit, I'd like to say I'm coming to the UK but that's not the plan for the minute (but I am known to change my mind!) I do want to travel in the very near future. I think the FB group you were trying to join is now by invite only at this stage. Anyway Rabbit, email is probably good. To begin you will need 4 random letters of the alphabet. It reminds me of the CT scan I had recently. JO had one too.
