here we go again

[Jstar]

oh so now a few msgs later, i'm a witch with a b, i'm mean, i think i'm all that according to h. then calls back says oh well you used to say inever called you enough so now i'm calling.

he's all over the place. he is not handling me not responding to his msgs at all but one if 3-4 weeks.

now my niece has a joke when she calls and asks, di dyou call me, well if it was you call me back.

[bluerain]

He is going through a lot of emotions right now and making you aware of every single one of them. I think that hes kinds of burying himself here!

I think that you could just tell him that if the two of you have a chance, more counselling has to be part of it the deal. I might even say that if he wants to speak to you, you will only take part in calm, kind conversations. No yelling, no name calling, no threats. Then stick to it, 100%.

Im sure that not seeing D2 is tough on him, but he has to calm down! I might even say that, "I understand that you are upset about not seeing D2, but when you threaten me, or call/text incessantly, it makes me stressed, which is bad for our baby."

But really, if hes not going to stay mellow, the conversation wont be productive, so you might as well save yourself the stress and leave it!

[Jstar]

i still have no clue how i'm going to work things. i haven't even had a chance to process and figure it out with him leaving msgs.

wouldn't it be jumping the gun to say something to the effect if we had a chance counseling is required? he hasn't mentioned anything about it.

maybe something to the effect of:

im sure that not seeing d2 is tough on you, but you have not become a trustworthy person to warrant unsupervised visitation. i have not seen guinine respect and support for us either. i'm sorry you feel i am a witch, think i'm all that and feel i hate you. when you demand i do something or else, you cause undo stress on me which is NOT healthy for the baby.

[Jstar]

at this point, if he wanted to talk, IF he would ask, atleast i would think so, just like counseling,

[bluerain]

I dont think that its the right time to ask for counseling, but I think that its a good idea for you to think about possible scenarios, and plan on how to respond.

I think that your message is pretty good. And of course, I think that if you do send it you should definately go dark after the convo. I think that its important for you to get the message across about the stress that hes causing you and baby though if he starts with the stalker-texting again.

[Jstar]

i sent something to that effect and trying to be positive about what spewing evil will come.

[Jstar]

oh yes and he texts this morning;

do you really think i don't care?

i give no response.

h calls hour later:

good morning wife, you are my wife and will be my wife, y because i still love you, give me a call, what are you up to today, i'd like to see d2.

i give no response.

[bluerain]

You dont think that this is a good time to send him the boundaries message?

[Jstar]

i sent him that last night, the one refering back to genuine support and respect.

now he's texted a little less today. but puts it all on me. this is what he says.

do you really think i don't care?

next msg

hello jstar what are u girls doing?

next msg

are you girls home, can i come by?

next msg

what are you doing jstar/

next msg

do you miss me at all?

next msg

hello how is my lil one, what is she doing jstar?

next msg

i wish u will think on what u are doing to her?

none i have given a response.

he askes me if i miss him but does nto answer the question himself. other then his vm with u r my wife still my wife gonna be my wife, i still love you.

i was okay till he sent the one of me knowing what i'm doing?

i don't know how to proceed with this?

[bluerain]

If he loves you and he wants to be your husband then hes gonna have to buck up and do what you have asked. Thats your boundary, you have to keep up with it. Did you recommend a visitation time to him yet? I agree that its not good for your D to not see her dad, but I dont think that its been long enough to be harmful.

And dont forget that the first several weeks of him not seeing her was due to choices that he made. Now, because he didnt make contact for 2 weeks, you are supposed to feel bad and accomodate him?

I think that sometimes you have to eat crow and take one for the team for your children, BUT, I think that you have to choose carefully when you can do that without sacrificing the bigger picture- your marriage. Which in the long run IS good for your kids.