Married 20 years, with 2 children. I became very ill when our youngest was 2, and went through hell for the next 6 years, getting healthy and overcoming my disease. But our marriage went down the toilet in the meantime.
In 2001, I was really feeling it all, and was trying to do little things to let my wife know just how much I loved her and cared. But they really didn't work, she was stressed from 2 young kids, a sick husband, and had no interest in sex or any intimacy for that matter. Sitting together staring at the television with a beer was enough for her.
In a weak moment, a lonely time, a woman befriended me. Nothing ever took place, but there were some edgy emails, and phone calls where she definitely made it known that she could do for me whatever I needed. My wife knew about it, but I walked away from it, because I loved my wife, and really only wanted to be with her.
Fast forward, and after several years of trying to get her to a marriage counselor, I'm preparing to file for separation. I know I should just overwhelm her with all of this love, and unselfish concern for her, but frankly there is nothing left to give. I sacrificed my life, emotionally, for her, only to be [censored] upon and rejected. She will not hardly talk with me any longer, some due to my outbursts of anger when talking about issues that I'm unhappy with, and partly because she wishes she had made other choices. She constantly tells me that she doesn't want to reconcile with me because "you're not the man I married." We got the book SSM, she read the first chapter, and was amazed that it sounded just like us. But refused to read any further.
A brief stint (3 sessions) with a marriage counselor ended in him, a highly regarded Christian counselor, telling me that he didn't recommend divorce, but that in this case he saw no other way out. I'm not sure what she said to him in there, but it was enough for him to throw the towel in after three sessions.
I no longer care, and have to begin caring for myself, thinking of my sanity, and trying to show my children that marriage can be good, although will probably have to hopefully be in the future with a special woman.
I'm talking with her now about separation/divorce, and her only response is "do what you think you need to do." She's either too depressed, or resigned to the outcome, to even care at all now.
I feel lost, burned out, powerless and confused. And I think the only way to heal is out of her presence at this point in time.
Not sure how to tell the kids, but I'll have to do the best I can, and love them through it. Makes me sick...
I've been through denial, appeasement, anger, and now acceptance. And I'm ready to move on. I believe it could be salvaged if she met me part way, but that doesn't look possible. And I don't want to trick her into anything. If she's checked out emotionally, I'll carry her bags to the car, and wish her a nice trip.
