You have gotten 6 goals in less than a week post-divorce. I'd say that is great progress!
And she called you when she was happy with her rainbows and wanted to share her happy moment. Bob, it is great.
My inner witch predicts a very successful DBed re-M in the near future... Just keep up the great work, man. You have gotten more progress that other see in years...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I see the progress and that makes me very happy - I just can not understand why she had to go through with divorce - talk about a fast track - 2 months from dropping the bomb til final order.
she says she is still angry that the marriage did not work - well it is starting to sink in that I am now divorced - to finally get back together I will have to work out my anger on that as well.
That is one of the problems of no-fault divorce. It can be so fast that it does not give you time to work things out, then zoom you are not married any more.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
guess I have to follow my own advice. I have told her that happy and sad, anger and contentment are choices. So I choose to be happy and choose not to be angry that she went through with D. And then act "as if".
She is leaving early Saturday morning and it does not look like I will see her before she goes on the trip. So there will not be much to report til she gets back on Thursday night. Kinda wonder when she will call, Thursday morning when she gets back (she has free long distance on her cell), Thursday night when she gets back into town, or Friday morning on the IM when she goes to work? Hope it will be Thrusday am
Also I was thinking on my way home from work that one of my goals is to have weekly dates with her - well my dinner date was for her to bring me my company payroll checks. These have to be done 2 times a month so I can arrange dinner (either out or me cook) at least 2 times a month. Although that is not once a week, at least it is a start.
Surprise - she called me this am around 710 to say she was thinking about me and to wish me good luck in Court today. (I was involved in a traffic accident several months ago and the hearing on my ticket is at 9 this am - hope to get it continued and then dismissed) and she also wanted me to call her after hearing to tell her what happened.
She then asked me to forgive her for not letting me stow away in her suitcase on her cruise. I hesitated and hem hawed around some before finally saying with a sad voice, “well, I will let it pass this once, --- but don’t let it happen again” She laughed and said “ok” —
Since I was going to clean up some of my remaining stuff at her house on Sateruday after she left I had suggested last Wednesday that I might come over in time to say goodby before she left. While she said I was welcome, I kinda got the idea she was somewhat less than eager for me to come and I dropped the subject and did not mentioned it again. But this morning she told me I could come over tomorrow am before she left if I wanted to. Said that even thought she might be "frazzled" that I was welcome and that her sister was picking her up around 8am. She didn’t really say she wanted me to come over, -- but she all but did. I told her that I did not want to get in the way but if she really wanted me to come I would and maybe I could get there in time to share a cup of coffee with her and she could just relax before leaving. Her voice seemed happier at that. I also got the feeling that she still does not want to admit to herself that she wants me to come over so she just relies on hints. I have picked up that even though she does initiate IM’s, and phone calls, she still does not initiate suggestions for actual contacts, i.e. dates. Maybe this is why I do all the initiating or suggestions for dates and she has always accepted them and even suggest additional time/activities, etc.
I wonder if I back off on the suggestions for actual contacts if she would take up the slack? (The seesaw effect). Well, after tomorrow am she will be gone for 5 days without any contact and be on her (in her words) first cruise without me. I will see what she is like when she gets back on Thursday.
Well the Traffic Ticket / Accident case was reset to Dec. 9 - should be able to get it dismissed by then. After the hearing I called XW to tell her and also to thank her again for calling me this morning to wish me well at Court today.
Since I had all morning set aside for the hearing and it was over so quickly and I had the rest of the morning free. Since it was such a beautiful day I drove to one of my two offices to pick up my Digital Camera which I accidently left - If I go over and see her tomorrow I want to take the camera. Well, as I was driving back and rethinking my time with her over the last week I remembered a very big positive that somehow just blew over my head the first time around. (I have gone to keeping a note pad with me so when I remember the past positives I can write them down and not forget them again) Well, back to the positive - either last weekend or at dinner the topic came up of Christmas and I said that I only had 3 gifts so far and still had lots of gifts to get yet. SHE THEN ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS. WOW, she is actually thinking that we will have a good enough R by then to want to get me something and to start thinking about it now.
Also, another bit of good news. XW has been contemplating merging her business to in order to save an account which she might loose without the merger, but she really does not want to merge with anyone else. Well in talking with one of her business contacts this morning he suggested a solution which she thinks will work. (And no he is not a OM) In addition to the other problems in her life right now (me), the possible loss of one of her major accounts was weighing heavy on her mind, and having this problem go away, really made her happy. And SHE CALLED ME ON THE CELL PHONE saying that she had to share that news with me.
PAM - She does seem to be thinking about me a lot. And I am going to keep DBing and DBing so that she keeps up that thought process.
She also said she would call me later today too. With all this contact this week, I will miss it while she is on the cruise, I hope she misses it too.
She did call me again on Friday night and we talked for almost an hour. I told her about making my reservations for the Bed and Breakfast and described the room I had and she had remembered the room from last time we went. While she again stated that she did not feel ready to go she said that I almost had her talked into going. I told her I was not counting on her going and was just going to go and relax by myself. But, I did tell her that if she wanted to go but was uncomfortable about possible ML, I said that we could go and I would not do anything I would be a good little boy - no pressure - I could tell that she took it in but she did not say anything about that. It is 3 weeks away yet and she may change her mind.
Since she was leaving on her sister cruise trip tomorrow morning just after 8 she asked me if I was coming over to say goodby. I said if she wanted me to I would. She said she would love to have me come over. I asked her what time and she hesitated and I suggested 4am. She laughed and said she was actually thing about 4am but that he did not think she would be awake by then. After a few minutes she suggested 6am. I said that would be fine but asked her if she would be awake by then either. She did not say anything so I said that if she was not up by then I would wake sleeping beauty with a kiss and she said OK and asked if I wanted her to leave the front door unlooked or If I was going to come in through the garage. (I still know the combination to the garage door opener and can get in that way - she did not want to chage the code) In all that was three phone calls from her, one IM from her and one phone call from me to her at her request.
Well I came over to her house Saturday at 6 to say goodbye. Got there and let the dog out for a few then went to her bedroom and she was still in bed with the lights off - gave her a big hug and kiss and she really hugged me back. Did that for several minutes. She had to get up so I went to kitchen to fix coffee. I noticed that the label she had put on the coffee maker lid last year that said “I love you, Darling” was still there. I started the coffee and went back to her bedroom and we did some more hugging and kissing then went to living room to sit down on the couch. I made her a cup of coffee and we sat and talked some. After the first cup she said she needed to take a shower so I fixed her breakfast and had it ready when she finished her shower. While eating breakfast she was looking at me and smiling when her face kinda went to a sad look. I asked her what she was thinking and she said “oh, nothing”, but after a second said “really, I miss you too.” I didn’t say anything but just leaned over and gave her a big hug. — After breakfast she had to do her makeup. While she was putting on her face I gave her a neck and back rub. She put her hair in a pony tail so I could get to her neck better. While she was doing her makeup and I was rubbing her neck, we were talking about the cruise and the fact that I was not going and somehow the topic came up of the rest of the sisters taking their husbands. She stated that she was thinking that in 2005 for the sisters trip each sister could bring the extended family. And in listing everyone that would go she included my daughters and their families. When I previously suggested that she and I might go out for the weekends in the future, she would respond that that might be possible. But this is the first time she indicated on her own that we would be together in the future.
After makeup I helped her finish packing and carried luggage down stairs and we got a soft drink and sat down in some lawn chairs and waited for her sister to come. When sis arrived we loaded van and then, in front of sis, she gave me a big hug and a kiss ( not a peck but a good kiss) I was surprised at the hug and kiss in that she did not want to me to do that in front of son last weekend. But then I remembered that just after I got there Saturday morning she said that she forgot to tell her sister that I would be there when sister came but that would be OK in that sis would be real happy that I was there. Maybe sis is on my side in this? Anyway, she sure did not seem to mind kissing me and hugging me in front of sis.
They left and I got to work cleaning out the rest of my stuff. Around 1:30 she called me on the Cell to say they had picked up other sisters and were on the way down, but she had forgot to get the itinerary for the cruise ship and wanted to know if I would find it in her office and fax it to her later that night. We only talked for a few minutes but she seemed happy to be talking to me
She called me again later that night and when I answered the phone she said “Hi, Darling”, and asked how I was. I said much better after hearing her say Hi. (This was the second time she called me Darling since the Bomb- the first was when I took her coffee on the first Sunday morning after the final order - I was wondering if that was a fluke or slip up but now that she said it again. (+) . I said I had the itinerary and she gave me the fax number. She then stated that If I behaved myself I could sleep in her bed instead of the guest bed. I asked her who I would misbehave myself with and she said Buster. I said he was a boy and we laughed . She said she was on the balcony of the motel looking at the ocean and all the whitecaps and I said I was envious and wish I were there too. She said she did too. We talked for several minutes and she said she would call me in the morning
Sunday morning she called just before 9 and said she was on the way from the motel to the ship. No “Darling” but she seemed eager to tell me she had laryngitis. She really did not have to tell me that as I could hear it. She could hardly talk and she said it was tiring to try to talk. She seemed happy though. I told her I did sleep in her bed and I did behave myself. She called again about 12:45 and said she was getting ready to get on the ship and just wanted to say bye. I wished her a good time and said I would take care of puppy and see her when she got back. I hope she really has lots of fun and that she really misses me. I am looking forward to Thursday.
Just keep up the great work, man. You have gotten more progress that other see in years... 
I told her I was not counting on her going and was just going to go and relax by myself. But, I did tell her that if she wanted to go but was uncomfortable about possible ML, I said that we could go and I would not do anything I would be a good little boy - no pressure - I could tell that she took it in but she did not say anything about that. 
I said that would be fine but asked her if she would be awake by then either. She did not say anything so I said that if she was not up by then I would wake sleeping beauty with a kiss and she said OK 
While she was doing her makeup and I was rubbing her neck, we were talking about the cruise and the fact that I was not going and somehow the topic came up of the rest of the sisters taking their husbands. She stated that she was thinking that in 2005 for the sisters trip each sister could bring the extended family. And in listing everyone that would go she included my daughters and their families. When I previously suggested that she and I might go out for the weekends in the future, she would respond that that might be possible. But this is the first time she indicated on her own that we would be together in the future. 
Anyway, she sure did not seem to mind kissing me and hugging me in front of sis. 