BUT, wife may ask me to go to christmas party with her. Do I go, or say no thanks?
If the plans and 180's etc. get too confusing....then just remember to be "unavailable". I bet she would be shocked if you told her, "Thanks, but I have already makde plans." That is being unavailable to her. She needs to stop taking you for granted and think you'll always be there whenever she snaps her fingers.
I know you had rather be with her than at a movie, but you see how she needs to know you aren't acting like her pet eager for her crumbs?
She will ask you what your plans are......but that doesn't mean you have to tell her. You don't have to lie, but if you can just be kind of vague about it, that causes mystery and she will find that very interesting. If you are on the phone with her when she wants to know your plans, you can chuckle and say, "Oh you wouldn't be interested," and hang up....or just laugh and say, "Bye W". If in person, you can smile and wink and don't say anything. That will get her to thinking!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
well, turns out there's no party tonite. She seems tired after work and gym. I'm gonna throw on something sharp and head out.we'll see how it plays out.???
Having a hard time trying to be unavailable.I keep allowing myself to be drawn back . I keep thinking my sitch is different from everyone elses because my wife Seems to enjoy my company, (working out with me , going to lunch-dinner,movies,church, etc...)She even is cuddling in bed. But i have made NO relationship talk at all (even though it's eating me up as to what she's thinking, planning, doing).! I have not tried to be physical other than an arm or neck massage. If you've read my story you'll know that she said she's not sexually interested in me . The advice on this board has been consistant; be unavailable, less predictable, GAL,no R talk and make her want me again. I'm trying to do a few things on my own but it's been so long since my single days and honestly it's not fun alone . Please keep the wisdom coming and the motivation!!
Rob, I feel your pain. Trying to do things on your own is just not fun alone. I only know doing things together with my wife. If you figure out GAL things please post to help all of us miserable left behinds. I am going to start going to the wed night pick up bball games. It seems like you are doing way too much together. Believe me I know how hard it is, it eats me alive. You are going to have to detach, I am a fine one to be talking.
yes dane, we Can feel each others pain. It still seems "surreal" to me that i'm on this board. We must really try to follow the advice of those more experienced and wiser than us!!! It really helps to have this wonderful support!
Amen brother! I have spent so much time wrapped up in my W over the past 13 years that it is like I don't know how to do things on my own. I have been reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" which is geared towards guys like me who need to figure out how to be OK with themselves. The premise is that until you can be happy with yourself, there is not much you have to offer to another person.
My W also seems to enjoy my company, it is just that she seems to be completely checked out emotionally. I know first hand that this is extraordinarily confusing and frustrating (the famous limboland). After 4 months, I am finally starting to see that being available is not the answer to this problem. It is very hard to move towards being unavailable but I think it is the only way to go in cases like these
i do hear you brother. but not so easy to do, is it?? we are walking a fine line and it's stressful. it's 1 am and we should be sleeping and dreaming of sugar plums or something, not stewing .!! Let's promise to hang in there.
Lot of power in that little phrase. I hope you got some sleep and a break from the stewing. I am now going to go vent my frustration by shoveling the 50 feet of snow that fell here last night...should be a good workout!
just make sure you do it in phases, don't give yourself a heart attack, I heard it's pretty common when shoveling snow - don't give your wife the satisfaction LOL ;-)
