Update: Party went fine. Wife was agitated that her sister called during the party to say happy bday to my little man. Refused to talk to her sister.
When party was over, told wife we need to agree to some rules for the separation agreement, and she got defensive, wanted to go "research" and let me know if she wants her own attorney. I warned her that it will cost her money. I'm sure she's consulting Mr Dbag, the all knowing entity.
Wife brought receipt to prove that her atm withdrawal yesterday was to pay one of her store credit card bills. I told her I apologize for accusing, but that her lack of communication left me no choice. She was also PISSED that I transfered all money into my private account.
I feel like her continuing disrespect left me no choice. And I don't feel that I should just "release" the money to her ("its my money, too!). I feel that the separation agreement getting done would be the appropriate time to "release" money. Right?
I feel that the separation agreement getting done would be the appropriate time to "release" money. Right?
That would be a great question for your attorney.
It sounds to me like you did great at the party. Good for you for letting it be all about your little man. Without a doubt, dbag is "advising" her. Don't worry yourself about that. Get yor own attorney and follow his/her advice. You'll probably end up conceding some things in order to achieve the goals that are most important to you. BTW, what are they? That is something to think about. After this is all over, no matter how it turns out, you'll want to be able to look your kids in the eye and at yourself in the mirror, knowing that you were true to your values.
Update: Saw the attorney. Ohio is a no-fault state, but there is one small detail that people don't realize: For a divorce to happen, both parties have to agree to the divorce. So, both of us have to agree that we want it to happen. If one doesn't agree, it can only be done in proven cases of cruelty. My attorney said one of his clients refused to allow her husband to abscond to another state and file for divorce. Its been a year now and she refuses to let him become divorced.
Wife said she is getting an attorney. We will then hopefully sit down and negotiate terms for the official separation.
I won't release the money until she sits down and starts acting like an adult and negotiates. Dunno how she will take that.
Wife said she is getting an attorney. We will then hopefully sit down and negotiate terms for the official separation.
Many people get freaked out when the attorneys get involved--they feel like they've signed off on a divorce. In fact, the involvement of legal counsel injects a certain amount of reality into the situation. Neither side can indulge in his/her fantasy that, "everything will be fine if (spouse) just gets with the program." Divorce is serious business that affects the lives of everyone connected to the litigants. It's better for everyone to know that up front.
Originally Posted By: Norseman05
I won't release the money until she sits down and starts acting like an adult and negotiates. Dunno how she will take that.
As long as your attorney says it's kosher, it doesn't matter how she takes it. She started down this path and either has to see it through or do an about face.
The question then becomes, do you want her back? If so, what are you both willing to do to make it work?
UPDATE: So it's now Saturday, and wife hasn't retained or contacted a lawyer yet. Seems to me that she is intentionally dragging her feet. She asked me the other day if she could take the boys to a movie today, and I said sure, but that she couldn't do it without me also present. She was fine with that. Well, this morning, I get a text that says, "When can I get the boys today?" I texted back with, "Get the boys?" and she said "Whatever. When are you all planning on going to the movie?" haha. She's testing me at every turn. It's like being married to a 16 year old.
Anyway...I figure that her feet dragging is simply her playing games with me. So I'm going to hold on to all the money and keep it in my private account until she makes a responsible move. I figure its the only leverage I have to keep her accountable. Esp. since I make all the money. Or most of it anyway.
Question for the vets here: I'm now enjoying living in my house sans wife. I really think she thinks she will return if and when she's ready, but since it's her house too, she can come and go, etc. I've set the boundary on coming and going, but one thing I'm thinking about doing is taking down all reminders or her (pictures of us at our wedding, her decorations, etc). Is that an irrelevant move? Is it too antagonistic? I want to do it simply because it makes it easier for me to function as a single parent. I don't have to deal with the constant reminders, etc. Interested in everyone's thoughts on that.
Off I go to take the boys to the movie with wifey. Not looking forward to it. I get in these grooves where I feel comfortable, and then she wants to see the boys, and I get sick to my stomach again.
Sure make the house like you want because its good for you and the boys. I set my drums up in the living room and used to play every night.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Random question: What does DBing look like during the holidays? I haven't bought any gifts for my wife, obviously, since I'm done pursuing her during the separation. However, I'm pretty sure she is buying gifts for me from both of my boys. I haven't even given thought to doing that.
How should I handle that?
Pics in the house are down as of tonight. As is everything "wife" in my bedroom. Starting to look like a man lives here.
Buy gifts on behalf of your boys--they need to get their mommy gifts. I wouldn't get anything from you. Gifts are a family thing...she's decided that she doesn't want to be in a family with you.
Saw the wife at church today. She arrived late. Not much chat, but civil interactions. Immediately following the service, as we were walking out, she asked if she could "take the boys with me for a little while." This surprised me on two fronts: First, she never mentioned wanting to take them. Second, I don't trust her. So I said, "Well, that's fine, as long as we do whatever you are intending as a family group." She got pissed and said, "Forget it then" and huffed away as I put the boys in the car.
I just can't trust anything she says. I don't understand why she was surprised, either, that I don't want them alone with her again after she took them to her dbag lover's house. Strange.
Nut-good advice on the gifts. And Coach, you're right. I need to make the house something I'm comfortable in. The boys noticed the pics were taken down, but I am ordering new pics that I am going to frame, all of me and the boys together or the boys together. That's the family right now that I'm proud of.
