Hi P17. My H got rid of any trace of my existence. Recently, almost 2 years after everything started he put a pic of us together up on his FB. He tagged me in it, I removed the tag.
It still staggers me though. It really does.
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Its only hopeless when you decide that its hopeless.
It's getting that way real quick. If I don't see some twinkle of something soon (and I don't even mean the breaking of the A, just SOMETHING) then I really must try and give up hope.
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What have your 180's been?
1. NC - totally out of character and what the old P (she married) would have done. No pursuing. No crying, pleading, begging etc.
2. Not giving her back all of her xmas stuff - when she left here I agreed with almost everything she wanted to take from the house (including most of the wedding presents). Refusing to give her all of the xmas stuff she wanted back was a 180.
3. Dance class - joined a dance class just after she left. Best thing I ever did. Truly is. And I kept it up. W always said that I only danced with her twice in 7 years (the reason for that was part of our problems but nevermind).
4. When she was here seeing D I basically ignored her and let her and D get on with it. Again no pursuing.
5. No R talk. When she was here with D, again no talk of R or M.
6. Xmas lights - again may not seem important but for somebody who was always bah humbug, this xmas I have lights outside the house (something even W never did), the tree looks like it's out of a catalogue picture (well I think it does) and the house is xmassy - I'm even waiting on an outdoor 'Merry Xmas' sign being delivered too ...
7. When W was here she asked me to help her with her computer (I work in IT), or tell her about software, burn some things to CD etc. Didn't do anything ... politely changed the subject or walked out of the room. Wasn't meant to be nasty, just a 180 for me as I was always Mr Helpful. I wasn't with her anymore so why should I do these things for her.
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What have you done to GAL?
1. Singing and listening to music - might not sound a biggie but as somebody who never did this during the M (I know weird, but anyway) for W to catch me upstairs, headphones on singing along to music and dancing while cleaning D's room would have been a revelation (okay she laughed but it made her smile).
2. Dance class - see above.
3. College course - haven't been for a while for various reasons but it's still on.
4. Getting out more even if it's just for a coffee to a friends house.
5. TRYING to meet new friends - not easy but it's having some effect.
6. Off out venues - one coming up on 30/12 with a local band. Looking forward to it. A few drinks, bit of dancing. Not like P at all.
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I would just buy D another car seat, but thats just me. Who knows why shes keeping it, but if you pick one up, you have one less reason to think about W.
To be honest, that's why I asked for it back! I originally thought that her keeping it, and seeing it everytime she looked in her rear view mirror, would cause her to remember D. Then I thought it's just one more thing tying us together (as I will remember she has it) so I thought just get it now and get it over and done with.
I don't actually need the car seat as my car has one built in, however a) it's the principle (it's mine and it's annoying me she has it) b) my dad was up last week and he couldn't take D anywhere as we didn't have one. Don't actually have the money to buy another.
Anyway, I was using it more as a point to illustrate W may be in a huff as why would she withhold D's car seat otherwise?
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
