Looking For Help

[Looking_For_Help]

Journaling:

Well, I had a property appraiser at my home yesterday, as per my W's request. We agreed to take the average of two appraisals in determining the value of our home. We have agreed to split everything up 50/50. No alimony. No child support since the kids will rotate every other week. I'm preparing to buy the house from my W...mainly to provide my kids with continuity. The schools are great in our area. I've also obtained the pay-off balance on my vehicle, also per my W's request. The only things we haven't discussed yet are the household goods and furniture.

I'm progressing forward with the divorce. Not that I want a divorce. I'm still open to working on the relationship, but my W has to be equally committed to the process, otherwise it's a waste of time. I'm meeting with a third attorney next week. I'm getting myself out of limboland.

Here's something that makes me curious. My W has been very interested with what I've been doing lately...sort of like 20 questions. Who am I talking to? Where am I going? What are my vacation days?...etc. Here's my question to the forum: Why is my W so interested in me? She stated that she's "completely done" with our relationship..."too much water under the bridge." I simply think it's a control thing for her. She doesn't want me anymore, nor does she want anyone else to have me either. Also, she initiates all of the communication while we are at home. This is a new dynamic in our relationship. Again, she's probably feeling that she's starting to lose control.

Regards,
LFH

P.S. Sandi...where are you? I haven't heard from you in a while.

[soleil]

Here's my question to the forum: Why is my W so interested in me?

Because she can see you are not who she made you out to be and have become somewhat of a mystery to her (for the better) so she is curious as to what is going on with your life and how you are getting on.

[givingitmyall]

Here's something that makes me curious. My W has been very interested with what I've been doing lately...sort of like 20 questions. Who am I talking to? Where am I going? What are my vacation days?...etc. Here's my question to the forum: Why is my W so interested in me? She stated that she's "completely done" with our relationship..."too much water under the bridge." I simply think it's a control thing for her. She doesn't want me anymore, nor does she want anyone else to have me either. Also, she initiates all of the communication while we are at home. This is a new dynamic in our relationship. Again, she's probably feeling that she's starting to lose control.

Could be a control issue...or a million other things. I understand why you would want to know, but it doesn't really matter unless she's willing to work on the M, now does it?

I DO think it results from you being mysterious. So, keep it up, prepare for the worst, and see what happens with NO EXPECTATIONS. Keep leading out of limboland - no place to be long term.

[Looking_For_Help]

Hi Soleil and GIMA...thanks for your responses. No expections here.

I had the day off today so I used it to go to the gym and relax at home alone. It was quite nice. When my W came home with the kids this afternoon, she invited me to join them to see "The Princess and the Frog" at the theater. We had a nice time followed by dinner at Moe's Southwestern Gril.

During the evening, I told her that a house appraisal was on its way as well as appraisals for our vehicles (as per her request from Thanksgiving weekend). I mentioned that the only thing left is to figure out what to do with the household goods and furniture. I also mentioned that my actions were based upon her saying that she's "completely done with our relationship." She completely had no reaction or response to any of my statements. Odd.

Oh, by the way...she's going to Vermont the day after Christmas to go skiing "alone." Yeah right. She's leaving me and the kids behind. I've decided that I going to take this opportunity to really enjoy the kids. Also, this shows me that I'm on the right track about proceeding with divorce. She's simply long gone. I need to move forward with my life.

Thanks,
LFH

[givingitmyall]

Sorry LFH. Hang in there man. I just got off the phone with my kids (with their mom at my in-laws). D5 said she missed me 5 times in the 5 minute conversation - man, this is gonna be hard. But we will all make it through.

[Looking_For_Help]

Hey GIMA,

I feel your pain. My kids are the same way. They have a very strong attachment to me, especially given the fact that my W travels alot with work. I don't think this part ever gets any better or easier. It is what it is.

This morning I presented my W with my house appraisal. She was not happy since it was MUCH lower than the appraisal she obtained. I then asked when she'll be ready with one of the "hidden" bank statements. I also suggested that we sit down tomorrow to negotiate about the household goods and furniture. I'm definitely putting on the full court press with this divorce and I'm definitely seeing my W start to crack. She even slipped up and called me honey. Yikes.

I sometimes wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I'm going to miss my kids a ton, but I don't see my wife committing to this relationship given that she has been househunting, consolidating finances, and getting appraisals. How else do I interpret "I'm completely done with this relationship" from my W. Yes, she's talking to me more now than any point this year. Yes, this is an improvement, but am I just naive and seeing/hearing what I want to be seeing/hearing? Tough question.

I have the rest of the afternoon free since my W took the kids to celebrate the extended-family Christmas at her parents house. I was not invited, but that's o.k. I'm simply going to relax and enjoy my afternoon. I taking the kids to my boss' Christmas party later tonight.

Thanks,
LFH

[givingitmyall]

LFH,

You're right that the pain for the kids is going to be a bear to manage. But, we can handle it.

If you haven't already, you should check out Greek's post to Thinker and me over on Thinker's thread. Should reinforce that what you are doing IS the right thing b and I will soon be joining you there and trying to catch up.

Our (your's, mine and Thinker's) may not come out of the fog, but one thing appears certain - they will NOT come out of it while hanging out in limboland. So, by pushing things along, we are actually doing what is right. While we do this for ourselves' and our familys' best interests, it is the only way our W's might come out of the fog.

Stay strong. Too cold for golf where I am today. Maybe a hockey game tonight - haven't done that in a long time.

I think I asked you this a while back but do you communicate in the alt? Given the similarities of where we are, would be a great place to speak.

[Looking_For_Help]

Hey GIMA,

The weather is too bad for golf here also. Just watching t.v. and chilling out on this rainy day. Thanks for the heads up regarding Thinker's thread...I'll definitely follow up.

It's hard for me to comprehend that pushing for a divorce is the right thing. It's definitely counter-intuitive, but the DBing I've done over the last eight months hasn't really gotten me out of limboland either. It has helped; however, regarding our communication. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being impatient, but how else do I interpret "I'm completely done" from my W nine months into this separation? Or the fact that she's going to Vermont by herself after Christmas. When I mentioned this fact to my mom, she gave a 2x4 reality check and told me to get out of this marriage...I don't deserve this type of behavior.

What do you mean by alt...is that facebook or something else? I agree...we should talk...it would help.

Regards,
LFH

[givingitmyall]

LFH,

You are correct about the alt. Go to FB and do a search on GivingIt MyAll. And send me an invite there.

[Looking_For_Help]

Hey Guys,

I interviewed my third attorney this past Friday. I think I'll be going with this lady. I mentioned to her that my W and I have agreed on just upon everything. The lawyer says that we can be divorced in 30-60 days as an uncontested divorce. As I told her my story, she was very quick to state that my W "probably had someone else" on the sidelines. Why is it that every women believes my W has someone else already? I must be very naive and stupid.

The big question for me now is when to file. Do I do this before or after Christmas? I'm on vacation the remainder of the year so I have plenty of time to do the paperwork. My W is taking the kids to NC for skiing and will be returning on the 24th. After Christmas, my W is going to either Vermont or Colorado to go skiing by "herself."

I'm still open to saving this marriage, but I can't do it myself. I've been crying alot today...not for my W...but for my kids. I love them to death. I'm twice the parent to my kids since my W travels so much with work. Friends have mentioned to me that I've done everything I could do and that I should be proud of myself in handling all of this with honor and dignity. God has been working me over quite a bit lately...shaping and forming me into the person He wants me to be. I pray that I can be strong enough for my kid's sake and that someday I may meet the right lady for me. I think I deserve it.


Thanks,
LFH