Its not the sex, it is the closeness and playfulne

[ediemarie]

Have you sat down and listed everything you want in this marriage? Not so much a list of goals, but a list of wishes/hopes/dreams?

I saw a segment on the today show not too long ago about couples trying to improve their marriages. They offered 4 things that couples could do - I remember one of them! lol! And I guess because it was most pertinent to my sitch: when trying to fix your M, stop trying to fix the negative and concentrate on the positive. From the day I saw that, I changed my perspective on things. And I have unwittingly drawn my H back to me in a way I never thought I would. He has even said, I feel myself falling back in love with you.

You have to start from a positive mindset or you will not get anywhere. Begin now focusing on what is positive and what you can build on. You will never fix your marriage by trying to correct everything that is wrong with it, but you may have a shot of building a new one by building on the positives.

This is what I see (in no particular order)
Positive 1)
You are both still together

Positive 2)
You have six beautiful children that deserve to see how much you love your wife

Positive 3)
You know exactly where your W stands in the matter of your marriage

Positive 4)
You are both committed to working on this - if not, neither of you would be in counseling

Positive 5)
You desire a loving, fun, free, playful relationship with your W

Positive 6)
You both believe in God and find it valuable to have a relationship with Him

That's off the top of my head and by reading the few posts you have here. I'm sure you can come up with tons more.

I shared my new outlook with my H the minute I saw it on TV. It was like a lightbulb went off. I tend to dwell on the negative - that's just how I am wired, I guess - but in that moment it all came together for me. All along I had been trying to fix, rather than build...duh. Because I shared that with him, we both now work together to look for ways to build on the positive, and it has become a challenge we now take on as a couple.

I've been getting the ILYBNILWY stuff for the last 3 years, but both of us committed to making things better, so I get where you're coming from.

Hopes this helps.
em