Sandi's Place

[sandi2]

Hey Pat, I answered your post on your thread, but let me respond here also. I can't believe you read my old thread........it's soooo embarrasing. Now you see why I try to tell LBH's about their WAW? I have only looked back at my original post a time or two.....it just makes me sick, but I can see what a bad shape I was in then. So thankful I can say that I am back to the old Sandi.

The E-book you read......it's scary, isn't it? Yep....it really got my attention! That book plus what was being told to me by the people here on the board. Most of them have moved on and left...but a few still poke their head in from time to time.

I don't know about suggesting to your W that she reads that E-book. You see, I was seeking help....and that is why it got me. Unless the WAW is trying to get help...I think it often has an opposite affect for her LBH to try to get her to read M books,etc. If she only knew what could happen to her if she continues down this path....that is what is so scarey!

I don't want it to affect you the way it did one man who read it. He felt so much dispare that he was ready to throw up his hands and quit. It is to be informative but not to cause one to give up completely.

I was seen as always the "good girl" and the "proper Christian wife" and as you probably read, that was the first really sinful thing I had been involved in. I don't mean that to sound self-rightous, but I had made the Church my life and had never thought about looking at any other lifestyle (or a man). So, I got caught up in the "sinful" excitment of the EA. It was truly like a drug in how it affected me. It shames me to remember how I behaved, but it is what it is and I can't undo it.

She says she is not pursuing R with him, just a friend but wanted to try the other side.

That is a very common answer for WAW's in an A. I couldn't claim that b/c my H found my emails to OM. Besides, mine was an Internet fling and my H knew OM and I were not "friends". I wouldn't hold too much in what your W said about being just friends. She may not be pursuing a future with OM, but then she may be caught up in that excitement like I was. She may think that she wants to see other men instead of being M, but from what she told you while standing in the rain.....I hope you can hold out hope that she will come around in time. It does take time for her to figure some of the stuff out.

But....you did the right thing by drawing the boundary and telling her what you did. The WAW does not need to get away with her behavior without paying the price. No matter how much she tries to justify her leaving you b/c of the R breakdown or how you may have treated her.......there is no excuse for an A and she needs to see the consequences. I think it shocked her by what you said.....and that is good!

Thank you for the sweet and wonderful things you said. I hope I can help you in some way. I know you want to help your W, but you cannot rescue her.........however, we can pray for her, right? God truly works in mysterious ways. Remember that our time is not always in God's timetable. Do what you know is right and trust God to do His work. I have much hope that your M is going to work out.