Thanks Goldey. I just can't stop crying. I am so sad right now. It was hard seeing H than I thought it would be...and I'm mad at myself for getting emotional and then upset. I reiterated that I don't believe in walking away from a marriage..which they led to a 'tit-for-tat' discussion of him telling me that I pushed him out, that he tried for years to make it work and I didn't reciprocate (not true, but how he sees it). I feel like I am blaming myself all over again...where across the past few months I'd come to see him as a different (and less desirable) character.
Now again I see things I did that pushed him away. But there were things he did too. Is one capable of forgiveness? He is not, and continued to rehash all the bad/mean things I did (or he interprets as such) after presenting me with papers. He could have been a little kinder about it. But then I also probably should have just acquised, agreed to the divorce without a fight. What's the point of fighting it when he's hell bent on getting one?
How do I approach things going forward? He's not asking for anything, just the divorce...nothing shared (and I have more assets than he) so it's probably in my best interest to do it when he's so eager to get out. I don't want to fight for $$ the only thing I wanted to fight for was to have him go to Retrovaille or counseling w me. He refuses and said if I didn't sign he would file a contested divorce.
Sad. But I guess just being kind and going along is the best route now? The tough thing is when we have civil exchanges and he's kind I want to fight for him as my husband, and when I try to fight for M then he gets nasty w me again. I couldn't help but bring up 'well how do you think I feel that you walked out on me, you didn't invite me to your graduation, etc etc' which then went down some other whole new path of family issues and other baggage and fighting.
I told him again how many things I've done and changed - and he sees that - just doesn't love me anymore or want to be married to me. That's one thing, must he then pour salt into the wound by telling me again that I pushed him out and pushed him to D? That almost hurts more than the D itself.
