A Choice

[sandi2]

Wow......thank God! I mean that sincerly. My heart is beating in my tummy (as the kids say).

I don't know that I can express my feelings over all that you said. You don't know what a risk I felt I was taking by saying what I did concerning you and raising your son. That is a very private and personal thing with people...and we can get very defensive where our children are concerned. I only hoped & prayed that you would see exactly what you did. I only threw it out there..........you were the one that "caught" it. That means that you are a remarkable man with so much hope in his future. I am very excited about all that you have done.

Do you realize just how much you have accomplished? I doubt my fingers could hold out to type it all..... I expected her to be mad if you gave her boundaries, but the fact that she said all of those positive things after she calmed down?........that is fantastic! Now after saying that, I will also say that part of the battle has just begun, but there is so much hope now. Yes, she liked what she saw standing in front of her there in that freezing rain! (Hope you don't get the flu after that.) She saw the man she fell in love with and married. She likes that man. Most of all, she respects that man. She even backed up and admitted that she knew she really did love you! Wow! That is so exciting!

I won't go over everything that was said, but all of it was great and to think she would suggest she go back to the pro-M C is so wonderful. It is almost more than I could have hoped for....but it goes to prove that respect affects the W's attraction and love for her H, and she was obviously affected by you taking a stand. Great job!

So, the next time you turned around you see them on TV. What a blow! Just like the devil to do something after we have experience victory, isn't it? Well, the power in you is greater than that in the world, and you just keep claiming that promise.

You do not have to file for D. You have her thinking about all of this. She sees you are not going to take this behavior from her and do nothing. If she asks "when" you plan to file or if you have contacted your lawyer, you can tell her that you have not filed as of right now. If she asks when, etc., just tell her that she will be the second one to know (right after your lawyer). I know that it may sound like "games" to some people, but staying vague and somewhat mysterious at this point is important. You don't want to show her all your cards. I'm not suggeting you ever lie, but don't tell everything b/c she may use it against you. You told her you had a lot of healing to do......so you don't have to hurry about anything.

You asked about the next step. You stick to your guns about what you told her when you were standing in that rain. Don't back down.....except maybe about filing for a D. She will probably test you. She'll go home and start thinking about it, plus she's been with OM again, so that will influence her thinking. Expect a big backslide in her. But, continue to stand firm regardless of what she does or says.

Be prepared. Just like a Boy Scout! Think ahead of any given circumstance/situation and what she may do/say.....and be ready for an answer. If you want advice about how to say something, come to the board and I bet some of these men will have a good answer. If I have to......I'll round some of them up to help. There are some that are ver clever in how to word some things.

I hope you will find ways to stay with friends/family throughout the holidays. Do what you can to fight the depression when it tries to strick......and don't be too on yourself when it does. It's normal, but you need to fight it.

Be making plans so that you are not alone on New Year's Eve, okay? I think that is important for you.

I think it will be important that you pull back from your W b/c as I said....she will be watching to see how serious you are about what you said. So.....don't contact her and show that you are thinking about her. She needs to see that you are not available to her. She needs to know that you are filling your life with other things....and other people, and that she is not "everything" like she once was. (She may still be....but we won't tell her until it's time, right?)

Her hardest part will be kicking OM to the curb. You see, he is very much like a drug for her. I've been there....and I know that it was the whole fantasy thing, more than the man himself. When se drops him....she will have to go through withdrawls, and it's hard. She will be vulnerable to a backslide. It will be a trial for both of you. We will face that when it comes, but I only wanted you to know what to expect.

Thank you for giving me a blessing. I see it as that b/c these are not faceless posts here on the board.....these are real lives we deal with--and what we say may help bust a D or it could help distroy somebody's life. So, this is kind of like a ministry for me. I am hoping to reach out and return the help that was given to me....and resulted in getting my eyes open and finding myself again.