Pls help--confused and fearful

[newmama]

Eh, only ran 20 miles instead of the 23. I didn't feel like getting up at 2am to run, got up at 3 instead. Wind chills in the 40s and I didn't get warm the whole time

20??? Unbelievable!!! Way to go DBD!

I feel I've been giving them a bad example by being afraid of H's reactions. The three of us act in fear of H.

Guess that is about to change, isn't it?

Now are YOU going to see WAH when he gets the kids?

And Of course you don't want the divorce and you want him to reconcile with you! Like you said, your WH is a tough nut to crack, so maybe it will take the divorce proceedings to rattle him. I guess I have observed that you don't want this divorced life, but you have been starting to live it, so does that make it less of the "unknown" and less scary? It doesn't make it okay, just "doable."

Oh, the friend that I ran with was a WAS and she mentioned she returned after seeing all the 180 changes her H did and she noticed it. Thought I'd share that.

Please share the details! How long was she gone? Why did she do it? What did her BH do differently? Did they have contact?

[Day by Day]

Now are YOU going to see WAH when he gets the kids?

I've tried that for so long and it didn't work. Now I don't want to see him because he's going to give me the property taxes to pay. He wants to keep hurting me.

I guess I have observed that you don't want this divorced life, but you have been starting to live it, so does that make it less of the "unknown" and less scary? It doesn't make it okay, just "doable."

Yes, less scary and doable.

Please share the details! How long was she gone? Why did she do it? What did her BH do differently? Did they have contact?

Don't have much details. She just said once she saw how he was trying and saw the changes were real, then she was willing to give it a try. She mentioned that piecing is very, very hard and she's having a hard time with his touching and affection towards her. That he is "so in love" with her and she's pushing back. Funny how she is on Tiger's side and says he should be given another chance.

[newmama]

DBD I wasn't suggesting that you see WAH! I was just curious if you had to see him. I would be avoiding him, too!

About your friend..I have also read that the WS first is suspicious of the changes from the 180 to see if they are "for real." I guess that is why, whatever we are doing, we need to do them consistently and really WANT to do them. I am grateful for my self improvements as they are good for me no matter what happens with WH and I.

ABout Tiger...I think we all know that whatever Elin decides is fine. We just never know how we will react until it happens to us!

[Day by Day]

Nope. Didn't see him. I didn't think you were suggesting it, but briefly considered it. And yep, he left the property tax bill. He's pressuring/provoking me, but I don't have to pay till Mar 31. Hopefully by then, I'll have some help from my lawyer for that.

While I'm having to file for D, is there anything I'm missing with DBing? Keeping NC, right? In reviewing past emails with him, things were calm until I discovered OW. He may have been faking, but at least I was able to prove I was GAL and had the opportunity to "chip away" with my actions. I'm happy with my self improvements and wish I got recognition.

OW's ex really got things ugly. H is so protective of her. I'm rambling here, but just wondering if I'm doing anything wrong or missing doing something.

Well, gotta do my paperwork and quit procrastinating.

[Day by Day]

This stinks. It's getting to me. Why does just him appearing and disregarding me affect me, but not him?! I'm feeling pretty low. I thought I was detaching. I thought I felt strong about getting my L. I know that I have to protect myself, but I wish I was having success DBing. Wish I had a crystal ball.

[sandi2]

I didn't feel like getting up at 2am to run, got up at 3 instead.

Oh shut-up!!

[Day by Day]

Sandi, you got a laugh out of me. Thanks.

But, really... an extra hour of sleep at that time does make a difference!!

[Day by Day]

quote from newmama's thread:

DBD, I don't understand why you are "embarrassed" to want to talk to WH about it at mediation? I do not think you should tell him that you are filing. But I don't know what happens regarding next steps after he is served....if LBS wants to stop the divorce/ get WAS back, what do they do then? Stall? What else? I have heard divorce takes a long time to complete.

I'm thinking about asking WAH to go to mediation as he asked. I am NC now, but since I'm in such a difficult position I'm thinking of just saying that we should go to mediation like he had asked. He's put me in the position of being between a rock and a hard place with stopping money.

I want to talk it out here of what might happen if I email him today to agree to go to mediation. I have my lawyer like he's been asked about. I don't know. He's so angry at me. I'll have to be so strong to deal with him. Don't know if I could do any DBing during that. Any thoughts?

[newmama]

DBD I think you should put a post under newcomers because it gets lots of traffic--keep this one, too, but I really think you need the "big guns" aka vets!

[newmama]

Ok, I can "talk it out" with you in the meantime...
but with OW in the picture for now, I don't think you will get a positive result in the beginning.
What are your goals for mediation? to obtain financial support and custody? Is it possible to get a separation instead of D?

Ok and here's worst case scenario: the divorce happens. 2 years later WAS is kicking himself because you are happily living your life, pursuing your career, dating. He will try to get you back...