...Don't have a choice. She wants the divorce ASAP and Im not stopping her. Im getting the house (its paid for). Ill give her what she wants and keep my home before she changes her mind.
Right now we are doing an amicable divorce and have the same lawyer....
....Well she is still living with me while waiting for the Judges signature / waiting period and for her own place to be ready.
She is civil when she gets what she wants but far from friendly towards me. If she doesnt get what she wants she acts like a spoiled and angry 13 year old girl.
The words I read in this thread lead me to see a person in agony who hasn't yet figured out what he wants. If G450 doesn't yet know what he wants, he can't communicate that to his wife or formulate an action plan.
Earlier comments (such as those quoted above) seem to have a degree of acceptance of divorce, anger, and cooperation with the divorce process. More recent posts seem to not want to let go.
My suspicion is that G450's communications with his about to be ex-wife are similarly not clear as to his intent.
I would suggest that G450 really needs to (1) figure out what he wants, (2) talk to his about to be ex-wife to find out what she wants, (3) and jointly with her figure out what their joint plan for the future is either together or not. Once that happens he needs to accept their joint decision.
Again I suggest that G450 look up the stages of grieving and figure out where he is and how he can work through the process to reach acceptance.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
My venting was nothing more than just that...venting. I wanted to get some anger out and not let her see it.
Fact is, I love her dearly. Even though she is cold and sometimes nasty towards me I am doing my best to be the nice guy (because I am a nice guy, always have been).
What do I want? Very simple. I want my wife back. But the person she has become is not my wife it seems. Even after all she has done I still want her and love her.
I am DBing and trying to do all the things I am supposed to do, detaching, doing 180s, not being needy toward her etc. Changing things about me for the better etc.
I'm doing all that but it has no affect on her. She should be out of my house by mid to late Feb. At this point I'm not sure if it is more painfull for me to see her leave or to let her stay. Either option is torture for me. At least with her here she can see I'm changing so Im not in a big rush.
You right, I am probably grieving. But I'm not concerned with that right now. I'm concerned and concetrating with doing all the DBing I need to do to get her to change her mind.
Right now it looks inevitable that we will be legally divorced in Feb 2010. But to me it's just a piece of paper. I will always love her. I still have hope that she may wake up and realize she made a mistake. Maybe she didn't but I may never know.
I will continue to do the DBing thing and possibly the Last Resort strategy thing soon. It can't hurt since she want's nothing to do with me except when she needs help with financial or computer stuff. Either way I will work on myself as well.
I think some of you are reading me wrong and that was my fault. Yes I was angy and vented here but I DO NOT hate my wife. I love her no matter what she does. And I told her that. But after a month of this it is wearing down on me. I see no results and its frustrating. And yes I know this could take months if not years.
I do not plan on waiting forever for her to come back. I'm not getting any younger and I crave love and affection in my life. I guess my heart will ultimatally be the judge of when it will be time to let go and start over.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
