M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I was going to go through a long post to justify my thinking etc but I left my notes on my desktop computer. I'm sitting in a coffee shop now.
So lets get to it... your H works long hours and is on standby almost 24/7. This is his busiest time of the year. He is under constant pressure and stress. Weather conditions and driving around have worn him out. Dealing with drivers etc means he probably spends a portion of the day cussing at their stupidity and their screw ups.
The only "time-out" he gets is on the weekends and even then he is on edge. He has his responsibility to his kids to live up to and doesn't get as much "down-time" as he wants because he tries to make it to their games.
So... what would a man like that want to do? One thing he has stated is that he wants to participate in the purchases of the kids main Christmas gifts. You should let him do that. Another thing he would like to do is to just CHILL OUT completely and wind down. i.e. sit back on the sofa and vegetate. I know this is not what you want. I don't think this man would want to get dressed up and go to a restaurant for dinner. He eats in those places all day every day of the week. He must be sick of the food. This is supposed to be Quality Time together so I'd get rid of any plans with BFF and others.
ST's idea that you let him lead as to what he wants to do with you is spot-on. My suggestion would be the following:
"H, you've been working like a dog to put food on the table lately. What say you to reaping the benefits of that? How about the two of us just shutdown and chill at home tonight? I can fix us up something simple to eat and we can relax on the sofa and hire an action movie DVD. How does that sound?"
Prepare a simple meal with a good bottle of wine. No candlelight, no romantic atmosphere etc. Just relaxing. No pressure on him. No expectations laid on him. From there you enjoy each other and you let him lead. You can provide subtle hints with your clothing above... and in the comfort and warmth of your own home I think you can skip the covering for that top I mentioned.
With that in mind, here's something you can learn from D18 (corrections added):
Quote:
ST - So, H loves to be adored.D18 Handfull fawns all over him like he's a freaking legend, the funniest thing that ever lived, etc... You can just see him SOAK it up.I mean, come on, I've heard all of these DUMB jokes 800+ times! And, she just LAUGHS LAUGHS LAUGHS...
So, you know what strokes his ego right? Weeeeeeeeeeell... Your D18 knows something you don't, after all where is she getting all that pocket money from
I hope this helps you M. Let's see what the other MEN have to say about this. Us guys are simple. Make us feel respected, appreciated and like your hero and we'll do back-flips for ya... c'mon girls this ain't rocket science ya know?
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
So lets get to it... your H works long hours and is on standby almost 24/7. This is his busiest time of the year. He is under constant pressure and stress. Weather conditions and driving around have worn him out. Dealing with drivers etc means he probably spends a portion of the day cussing at their stupidity and their screw ups.
Yep, YEPPPPP, Yep, Oh, YEPPPPER
Originally Posted By: Gnosis
Another thing he would like to do is to just CHILL OUT completely and wind down. i.e. sit back on the sofa and vegetate.
This is probably his most favorite thing in the world to do! Probably because he NEVER gets to! Last xmas break, I truly think he was in heaven because we pretty much stayed in most days, lit a fire, watched bball on tv, played board games w/kids, etc...
Originally Posted By: Gnosis
"H, you've been working like a dog to put food on the table lately. What say you to reaping the benefits of that? How about the two of us just shutdown and chill at home tonight? I can fix us up something simple to eat and we can relax on the sofa and hire an action movie DVD. How does that sound?"
I can do this, easily... And, I really don't care if we stay in or go out. I/We go out all the time (with kids together, me alone w/girlfriends). I'll even tolerate the action DVD. LOL
Originally Posted By: Gnosis
Prepare a simple meal with a good bottle of wine.
(((I'm thinkin' I could slip him a Viagara or something, eh?)))
Originally Posted By: Gnosis
Your D18 knows something you don't, after all where is she getting all that pocket money from
Funny, I saw D18 at the Varsity boys bball game tonight. She and the entourage (NEW alumni - LOL) were there seeing all of their old friends that were home from college. No, "Hey, Mom!" No "Hiiiii Mom!" Nothin'.... Here's what I get.... "Moooom, Where's Daaaaaaaad? I need him to tell this story.... Jake just told me he's never heard it, and Dad can only tell it. You know.... He LOVES to tell those stories." YES, SHE DOES KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING!
So, G, I'm in!!!!! I'll let him sleep in in the am. Then, we're meeting my parents for lunch tomorrow (for my Dad's birthday). I'll let him run his errands and such in the afternoon, and then we'll see what happens tomorrow night...
I like it.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
mindfull: (((I'm thinkin' I could slip him a Viagara or something, eh?)))
ROFLMAO.
Originally Posted By: Gnosis
Your D18 knows something you don't, after all where is she getting all that pocket money from
mindfull: YES, SHE DOES KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING!
Then observe and learn some lessons. Kids are master manipulators in getting their way.
mindfull: So, G, I'm in!!!!! I'll let him sleep in in the am. <SNIP> I'll let him run his errands and such in the afternoon, and then we'll see what happens tomorrow night...
mindfull: (((I'm thinkin' I could slip him a Viagara or something, eh?)))
ROFLMAO.
ME TOO!!!!!
G's advice to chill at home is probably a great idea! be sure and add that," you've been working so hard" part!
and cute shoes btw...I really liked those northface fuzzy ones! If only I got a shopping spree of like 5000...that would be great.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
ST - Just checked out the North Face ones. Cute!!! I agree. An extra 5k just to shop would be fun.
So far... So okay... today...
Just had lunch w/my Dad and Mom for my Dad's b-day. H was a tad snarky (NOT unusual, even pre-bomb). I continue to not give it attention, and give him good attention when the snark is under control. LOL
H has the boys out xmas shopping (for me) now.
I'm home doing xmas cards and gift organizing, etc...
D18 is going to get spanked! She no-showed at lunch. Txt's me from her friend's phone. "I lost my phone last night" (half-way through lunch). I told her, "How does that affect not showing up for your gpa's b-day lunch? Disappointing..."
No reply.
I just saw her facebook. It appears she was OUT last night. OH TO BE YOUNG AND DUMB!!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
OK, guys, I altered the outfit. (This is important stuff, right?) LOL I did it because H was dressed pretty hip!
G, I kept the same lines though...
Black, fitted Square Neck Turtleneck...
Boyfriend Jean...
Black pointy boots - 3 inch heels
Black fitted downed vest w/belt (feminine)
I have a blonde shoulder length shag (for lack of a better name!). H likes it "chic." I've never qualified that, as every time he says it looks "chic," it's different. I think he just means he likes it blown out straight, showing all of the layers, w/out a lot of product in it. So, that's what we're going with, w/gently curled in ends.
This is funny.
This new black turtleneck is fab. It's from CABI, girls... So are the jeans. NICE stuff!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
