Pretty good day for me. S9 had his first basketball game. Got to the gym, W sits on small set of bleachers with D6. I stand about 5 feet from her. After about 10 minutes, W asks if I want to sit down and begins moving over so I can sit next to her. "No, I'm good." About 30 minutes later, I sat with D6 on the row in front of W. Played and laughed a lot with D6.
After lunch, I went out and did some shopping for the kids. In the past, I let W pick things out for them and would occasionally get something for them. This year, I will buy presents for the kids. I had a great time picking things out for them. Things they have told me they wanted and that I knew W had not bought for them. Wrapped up the presents and labelled them from "Santa." Taking the high road here. I know who bought these presents for them (and by the marginal wrapping of them anyone will know) and that's good enough for me.
We were supposed to go to my borothers and SIL's for present exchange and dinner tomorrow. This is my SIL who had the discussion with W last week when W said she wasn't going to MC for our relationship. W told me she wasn't going b/c SIL told W W was not welcome in SIL's home - uh, no, that's not true.
I wrestled with what I should do (and W assumed I was going with the kids). I decided not to go solely b/c the kids don't know we are splitting. A gathering like this is something more serious than just a movie or game. If W doesn't go, S9 will be EXTREMELY suspicious. I don't want to risk him being flipped out during what will be our last Christmas together.
Anyway, today, W asks what time "we" (the kids and I) will be leaving for my brother's tomorrow. I tell her we aren't going. She seems perplexed.
Earleir in the day, she also stated, somewhat snidely, "I guess I won't buy anything more for the kids since I don't know what you bought them today." I responded very calmly that I was happy to tell her what I got them, just not while they are in hearing distance. "Oh, ok."
Later, I sent W an email (she's running errands) to tell her what I got the kids and that I labelled all the gifts from "Santa."
I was thinking today how I had thought this Christmas would be a sad one since it will be our last together. But, I'm not sad. I will have a great time with the kids, but there is a part of me that is ready to get this holiday season over so we can move on with our lives.
I feel a new strength, confidence, and peace. I have no attraction to my W, but I'm not angry with her. I feel very in control. Right now, I am more excited about what life has in store for me in the future than I feel I will miss W. It's actually difficult for me to see myself M'd to the woman my W has become.
