Thanks Laurie for keeping me in your thoughts and following my thread.
Quote: I am wondering if you have given her any sense that you are accepting the D and are moving on? Or does your W believe you will always still be there for her?
With so much happening I seem to have forgotten to post the part about the bed and breakfast, so a little background before responding to that quote.
Just after we were married I took Cindy to a real nice B&B on top of a small mountain near the Smoky Mountains with great views of the park and valley. Very relaxing and romantic.
I posted this several days ago
Quote: while getting my camping gear ready to go on Friday afternoon I IM-ed W to ask if she knew where we had a tarp and she said she would look - after awhile she IM back that she had found it along with a sleep pad. I told her that I had two of them already but that I did need the tarp. I then told her that I had 2 of almost everything, backpacks, sleeping bag, pad, cook kits, and that my tent was a 2 man tent. She responded that I was ready to take someone else then and I said whenever you are ready just let me know - her supprising response was ““ok””.
Well, Tuesday during our talks after the hearing I suggested to her that rather than going camping and sleeping on the ground, etc. we might go back to the B&B. I had already checked online and they did have rooms available for her birthday. She said that she was not quite ready for a weekend with me yet and that I should not reserve the room as she did not want me to have to go alone. I dropped that topic for then. But, later I was thinking that the B&B was such a nice relaxing place that I really would not mind going by myself so I reserved a room anyway, (but for the week following her birthday as we still had plans for me to take her to dinner then)
Today when she did her IM it thanked her for her suggestion about going by myself and that I had reserved a room and was going anyway. I did tell her that the room was the same price for one or two and if she changed her mind the invite was still open but there was no pressure and I was going no matter what. Going without her would be a 180 for me and even on the IM I think it took her by surprise. And I hope give her the idea that I am doing things with or without her.
Quote: Have you given her any reason to wonder if she may lose you?
Right after I started with the DBing she had made the statement that after the D she did not think that she would ever get remarried. At first I said the same thing about me, but later told her that I had changed my mind. I told her that in my readings I had learned that happily married couples are healthier, live longer, are happier, do better at work and just better off in all other areas as well and that I thought that since God put a man and a woman on the earth in the beginning that it was better to have a mate and that after I had fully learned who I was and had put myself on the road to a better me, then I would look for someone special to share that with and if it was not her then it would be someone else. This conversation was now over a month ago and with all the stress and worry of the D it really seems to be 6 or 8 months ago. I am sure it seems the same to her so it is really time to do that conversation again. However, again as I posted several days ago,
Quote: ... I believe that when she told me that she should be off of the AD's by the Holidays and later after I commented on the role reversals and she told me that she would not be on the AD's forever, that she was asking me to be patient with her and wait - I believe she is worth the wait, but it is a very hard thing to do.
I also believe that her statement also said she fully intended to ML with me again. So, while I can not wait forever, and she does need to know that, I will wait some. While I am waiting, I will be supportive and patient.
