It is clear that the more space you give him, the more you continue to refrain from judging him, the more you affirm his feelings, the more he questions his actions. Keep your distance. Avoid situations when you will cry if possible -- tears are pressure. When he feels no pressure, then he can tell that he really misses you and might want the M after all. But when he feels pressure, all he can feel is guilt and what he "should" do. He needs radical freedom here to really discover his own desires.
"H starts convo with telling me that he doesn't want anything from the house now except his clothes and personal stuff, I can have everything else, he just wants out of the M as quickly as possible now."
Trust me, if you are convinced you want a D, your prospects for a good settlement are highest now. As he gets comfortable with living with the guilt of leaving you and makes the adjustment to deal with having the overhead stress, he will get more selfish.
But, if you push hard now, you may not be able to give H the space and time he needs. I think your H may turn around. He may not. It is up to you to figure out if the gamble is worth the risk in terms of a settlement agreement. Also, how long before a D is final in your state? L may have some suggestions of how to get the best settlement in place for you while not rushing the D.
