Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[chatterbug]

Cutter, hope you don't mind me expressing concern. You sound like you have a steady grip on your boundaries! I just think she will push it but I guess you keep your boundaries so nothing will happen that shouldn't!

But I want to know what this means:

It is her choice if she wants to help herself. Its not a forum. She either owns her sh*t or she does not.

I'm glad you had fun last night!

Thank you for expressing concern. It is good that people care about me.

The Its not a forum. Means a few things.
1. Its the real world and the conversations are in real time and face to face. This is very different than a forum. Here in the forum I can joke with you about what we wear to bed as we both know the context of the conversation. We also know that we are not hitting on each other and also other will join in the conversation. In the real world this conversation would be very different due to the context of the interaction between the 2 people talking. As I have boundaries in place I would choose not to get into those conversations.
2. I have my own problems to deal with. So I offer some examples of how to help one's self based on what is helping me. The next conversation will have a sub topic of "Have you thoughtabout and reviewed the sites that I thought would help you?" If she has she will be able to talk about what she has read and ask questions. If she has not. I am going to ask why not. And her answer is either going to be full of a few excuses and self pity or both. And I will then end the conversation. And leave her to her self pity. If she asks in a few weeks why I have not talked to her. I will repeat the question above. And if I get the same responce. I will tell her that I am not a sounding board for people who do not wish to be true to themselves. Nor do I wish to surround myself with people who self destruct and run away from their problems. As I do not own her sh*t, she needs to own it.
And from what I have heard so far from her. She has not.

So I am saying that in the real world I am not a forum for people to post their life stories on and expect me to give, give ,give.

This is a 180 for me newmama. Stop being a giver. Saying NO.
My choice was to not self distruct.


And thank you very much for this conversation.

In the real world when all the stuff went down , I contacted two close friends and told them to watch out that I don't get in any relationships , one night stands , or rebounds. I understand that I am highly emotional right now . I understand grief.

The best thing about that. Is that they have kept their word and kept an eye on me. Engage me in conversation about my date's and toss truth darts at me. It is great having good friends.