All humour aside, I met with the therapist the other night and what keeps cropping up for me is the trust issue with others. The never ending virus made me feel weak and vulnerable and all the stuff from the past few years raised its ugly head. The first year or so of separation I was like a soldier heading out to battle, I thought about what I had to do and did it. I tried to build a healthy life but therapist thinks I didn't grieve enough for what I lost. Trust was one thing I lost! When I connect with people there are little voices inside that say "when is this person gonna knock the pins out from under you?" "do you think this person is really genuine or are they just being nice". Therapist mentioned how hard it is for separate/divorced people because the pain is still very real but others outside of it really can't fathom the depths of it. There's the internal feeling that "you should be over this" but you're not. It's a struggle. Although I have much to be grateful for at Christmas there is still a tremendous loss involved in the season. I talked to STBX today and felt sad as she was out Christmas shopping with my girls and I wasn't there. Sometimes it's just the small things that make you want to sit down and cry...and therapist says I should! It's called healing not failing. Anyway, today I finished up my Christmas shopping, picked up the wrapping paper and some stocking stuffers for the kids and now have the afternoon and evening to kill/enjoy. Have a great day DBers
