They will say things based on their feelings at that moment.

K,
I was reading through the archives and found this post from Rollercoasterider to butterflymom in May of 07. I am hoping this might help you in some way.

Dennis

Well, you've said he can come home, so now you must stick to that unless something happens or you have a good reason to give him.

Given that...prepare that he may not be ready and may leave again--sorry but you need to know that he is not ready and that you are also taking some responsibility here. I am concerned that you will be angry and give it all up if he leaves again...so know what you are going in to...youare taking back a broken man.

He may mean everything he says. But OW's cling and MLCers at this stage usually lack the strength to resist. They also may be un willing or not ready for what is needed in counseling...for looking into themselves and doing the hard work...it is hard, scary and not a striaght path...as you go through this some things will seem to work and then perhaps stop working after a time...but this is part of the process. Many give up because they beleive it isn't working. Couples need to stick to it through these tought imes, and MLCers are not capable of that.

SO what I want you to ask yourself is what are you going to do given that he may leave or not be able to follow through with counseling etc. He is broken and scared and unprepared for what the Ow will be doing in the next weeks or months. He thinks it is over with her...but it may really be just beginning.

The Withdrawal period of the break-up (not MLC withdrawal Phase) is unexpected, difficult and those who are not prepared fall. Often the MLCer goes back...only to return again later.

I don't think Sweetheart's six returns are normal--a fewmay be within norm, but six is a lot. Please don't let that scare you.

There is a reconciliation program book "Irreconilable Differences" that outlines a 4 or 6 month counseling program. If the couple is living together that is not to cahnge, if apart, that is not to change. Contracts are signed...but in MLC contracts are meaningless--I knew Sweetheart wasn't ready and didn't push the contract--we tried the program on his FIRST return. But I had to do something...though I knew it wasn't going to work...part of the process.

So call counselors. Interview them about MLC and infidelity. Are they pro-marriage? DO they have any personal statistics--reconciliation rate?

This is a big step. I don't think it's the wrong step. But I want you to know and prepare for what may be ahead. If you will absolutely not put up with him leaving again, this may be a mistake...because you are taking a rsik by accepting back someone before he is strong enough. Think about whether that is the right thing to do or not.

I know you've got the kids and don't want them disrupted. That is a good reason for not wanting multiple returns, and thus saying no. But their lives are going to be disrupted regardless...and in the END they will be better off with both of you at home (in my opinion) whether he ends up at home after leaving again and maybe again, or stays home this time