Been lurking but really need help!

[undefeated]

Yes, I have been on mood stabilizers for about four months and I am 110% better. It takes a few appointments with a therapist to get the dosage up to an appropriate level, but I began to feel more...normal...within days. As I say, the fact that I went to a therapist and said, "I am bipolar please help me," is very rare. Most people need someone else to get them help. Or they end up in jail and get court-ordered psychiatric evaluation. The odd part about that is - I was in jail and they still let it go untreated! Sorry, I digress. It just ticks me off.

And that is important. In the brief periods of clarity, he may be wondering why no one can see how sick he is. I was always good at hiding my depression, but never forget that is the flip side of the mania. He may or may not become so depressed he borders on suicidal BUT that may be your best time to help. If he ever says he might hurt himself or anything even remotely like that, it is grounds to get him help without his consent. Do it!

He will be furious, so prepare yourself for some of the worst, hurtful things he can think to hurl at you. He may swear he's not sick, yell that you're punishing him, and a million other things. Don't listen - the disease is speaking. The man you love is trapped inside his own mind.

When his mind starts to clear, that is when he will realize and regret all that has gone on. There is a certain downside to getting well - you have to learn to cope with what you've done to yourself and everyone you love. Please support him if/when he does start to get help. Nothing is sadder than coming out of the fog I've been living in just to watch my husband walk into the arms of another woman...AFTER I started getting well.

I may take some heat for this from other posters, but I don't know that DBing is going to help or be your best bet. That is IF this is a case of bipolar disorder. Have you been to a counselor yourself? Maybe they could help you decide how to approach this situation.

As for the alcohol. When I was un-medicated I loved to drink, party and in general act like an idiot. The main trait of a bipolar is lack of impulse control. Your brain says, "do it! it's fun!" and you don't think, you just do. There aren't a lot of conscious choices.

I can drink now - it doesn't screw up the medication. I don't go out to bars and get plastered, partly because it's not much fun, and partly because it puts me in a position to slip back toward my lack of impulse control (which generally meant indiscriminate sex). But I enjoy a social drink with girlfriends or on holidays. If he has an alcohol problem in addition to the bipolar disorder, your husband will be in a slightly different boat. But I think he might discover that he on drinks as a result of lack of impulse control.

Ignore what he says to hurt you. Do NOT ignore what he says if he talks about how he feels. Work on you, but IMHO don't shut him out. This is not, to my mind, a normal DB situation.