h is in mlc, now threatening divorce...

[Gnosis]

Lost, good job on your daily tasks.

no clue as to what h says to her but as usual he takes it out on me. he feels like a prick, hes gonna tell them hes not coming home, he is soooo busy today...this isnt fair to him...

He feels bad. D calling him put pressure on him. He's getting mad with you because he thinks that you put D up to it. I know you didn't, but that's the way he sees it... hence the anger.

he is able to do the salting and plowing for work...thank god...

Yes. These are good signs.

how do i approach this all? psych agrees with me...with the other issues our 8 y/o has it is best to let them think h is working nights...he is screaming he is gonna tell them.

He is screaming out of anger. He knows that this is your weakest link and he is going to exploit it in order for you to back off.

imo right now im glad he feels like a prick...maybe i shouldnt, i did not say or imply anything but...

I hear you. Your frustration is there and it's real. Your task right now is to hide it as best you can from him. If he senses you're taking pleasure or finding justification in this it will reinforce in his mind that he is doing the right thing and push him further away.

ive been doing an AWESOME job these past 4 months ON MY OWN...

No doubt about it. I'm sure that this has given you an enormous boost of self-confidence.

f him. maybe he SHOULD feel this way. he IS guilty to some extent no matter what his reasons are...

I hear you and you ARE right. Lost, please don't let resentment sabotage your efforts.

opinions please???

Keep chipping away at his reasons. Don't give him anymore excuses.

I'd suggest the next time you talk to him you say something along these lines: "I know you're hurting. I know when the kids call you it seems to trigger you and they're putting pressure for you. I care about you and your well-being so I'm going to stop letting them call you so you can have your space." He will try to protest. He might even get angry... whatever... you hold the line with, "H, I know what you're saying but your actions are contrary to that. I'm tired of being the victim in this and being blamed for their actions. The kids are smart in their own way and are trying to manipulate you. Unfortunately, they don't understand the true impact of their words. Let's do this for a week. After that we can see how it goes."

Or something along those lines... what the above accomplishes is to remove the triggers for his resentment. It will also get the point across far more clearly to distance the kids desires from yours.