You are not dealing with rational people right now, so please stop trying to rationalize with him. Also, pointing out the trauma his leaving will create w/the children is actually creating more guilt within him, so he will shut you down. Of course, they all say that the children will be just find and get use to the idea.....they don't want to accept the consequences of their actions at this time. They are living in a fog of depression which creates the fantasyland that they are living in, which is called denial.
The only thing you can do is take care of yourself and your children. Get the assets in a safe place and be sure you take care of your finances. When they are in the crisis, nothing matters to them but themselves. It becomes the selfish me, me, and more me.
I'm glad to see that two of your children are in counseling. It's difficult on them because they really do not understand how a person flips so suddenly. Actually it is very gradual and then when the pressure becomes too much the switch is flipped completely.
If your h comes for the holiday, treat him as you always did. If he doesn't show up, it could very well be because he doesn't want to see the pain, hurt and disappoint in the eyes of his family, which in turn, will create a huge knot of guilt.
One thing, don't ever assume that they are happy...words and behavior can be deceiving. The eyes will say it all.
