? Right time for H to come home

[kjensen]

Hi Libby,
My H was what considered to be very caring, hands-on Dad to our two girls. The first time he moved out he had a one-room apartment and invited them over for a sleepover. They hated his place and really didn't want to go spend time with him. The were hurt.

During that separation he asked me if we could have them spend a few nights a week at his place and my response was I thought the middle of the week during school would be hard for them, but the weekends might be better. He took that one response and thought I was keeping the girls from him. He withdrew contact, wouldn't call them on the weekends(he had an OW then)...really lost alot of ground with them.

When he moved back, things slowly got back to a kind of norm, but H was much harder on the girls than before-in tolerance of their teenager behavior.

Then we moved and things were a bit rockier..H has been moved out for 2 weeks now and texts the girls, wants to help with transportation..but thats it so far. He doesn't have a place to have them over to, since he's renting a room from his cousin. His relationship with D12 has been deeply harmed. She has alot of anger towards H and doesn't want to forgive him for leaving again..

I would try to be peacemaker during the first separation, I would "talk Dad up" and make excuses for him. Not this time. He needs to have his own relationship with them and heal it on his own. I'm trying not to mention H very much(a work in progress!)at home.

H needs to realize what he his missing and potentially losing in his move to D me. I won't stop him from having the girls part-time, but the truth is, at least one of them, doesn't want anything to do with him.

The good father he was is in there.. He's struggling with the adolescent right now.