Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Was home late and now up early to go score another basketball game. I asked the friend I was out with last night if I was crazy to still believe W's fog will lift some day.

She said W was crazy and wondered why I really wanted her back -- for her or the family?

I said I've tried and tried to answer that question in my head and I still can't.

A lot of it comes down to I really want a second chance to see -- now that I've learned how I contributed to the discontent -- if we can do it right.

I just won't be able to understand why I didn't get a second chance.

Here's a small thing.

On way to last night's basketball game I saw icycle lights on a house that looked like they were dripping. It's the newest thing and pretty cool.

My W loves Christmas and puts up as many lights as she can. She was disappointed a few years ago when she finally reached a point where any more lights would trip our power. We even briefly discussed buying a generator so she could put up more.

So I sent her a text -- the first not about the kids in a while -- saying "U r behind. Just saw icycle lights and they look like they were dripping. :)"

After one of the basketball games, she sent back a text: "Were they blue? :)"

She hates blue lights, says they aren't Christmassy. I'd always point out houses with blue lights and say, "look, pretty bluuuuueeee lights."

Is that pursuing or just perhaps a small sign of bridge building back to a R?