libby, They resent their children because they see that their children have all of the things that they didn't have at the same age. Usually, you will discover that he will favor one child over the other...that will come in time. Your h has to find his way and relearn how to communicate w/his children. After all, his mentality is that of a 10/12 year old.
You see the grown man's body of what was once your husband. Now, you need to learn to accept him for who he is right now...that young kid trying to grow up. It's difficult and it will take time to better understand the dynamics behind mlc, but if you read the postings in the archives, you will learn quite a bit.
Unfortunately, you are going to have to be the adult and both parents to your children for a while. Is it fair? No, but your children need stability and to know that you are there for them while their father is on the Mother Ship.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
