Time for a new thread - my old thread is Divorce Pending but briefly my sit is that I am 56 and WAW is 47 (til Nov). Wife dropped the bomb on August 8 and I found DR and starting DBing in Mid Sept. By then WAW had filed for Divorce and in Ga an uncontested Divorce can be final in as little as 30 days. I was lucky that the Final hearing was set for 2 months away which gave me a month from the time I started DBing til the final hearing. Unfortunately, according to DR since I was married for 2 years I would likely need 2 months to successfully DB. Well I came close in that just before the final hearing she said she was having second thoughts and was really doing some positives things that were totally absent right after (and looking back, just before) the Bomb. However, close only counts in horse shoes and she chose to go through with the D and it was final on Oct 14.
We did plan to get together right after the hearing and take a drive in the North Georgia mountains and just talk. She was late coming home from the hearing and I was waiting for her at her place. She had an emergency task to do for one of her clients (she is an independent commercial insurance agent) but that only took about 15 minutes and we were on our way. Before we even left the driveway she started crying and I gave her a hug. Since we left around 3pm we did not have enough time to go very far so we just went to a Mexican Restaurant and had a good talk. It was hard to not talk about the D and what led to it but we tried to keep the conversation light and we were having a lot of fun just talking. I had brought my digital camera to show her some of my pictures from my last weekend camping trip and we were having a good enough time that I asked the waiter to take a picture of us. We each had a margarita with our meal so we did not drive right away but instead walked down the strip mall and found a gift shop to look through. I noticed that she was looking a small wind chime that had a chrome platted egg shape metal lattice thing with 4 purple crystal stones in the decorated part that attached to the wind chimes part. The whole thing was only about 8 inches tall but was really pretty. Knowing she really liked purple I bought it for her and told her it was a gift to celebrate the first day of the rest of our lives - we had already toasted that with the margaritas. I did tell her thought, that I was not going to get her everything she picked up and looked at. As I was checking out, Cindy was just out of sight looking at some other things and I told the check out lady to be real careful with the chime as it was for someone very special and she asked who, I and pointed to Cindy and said that lady. At the time, I did not know if she heard me or not but she later told me she had and thanked me.
We then left and were walking back when she mentioned that her son 26, who had just come back from the Army (Afghanistan) was having some relationship problems with his girlfriend and she knew that I had been reading self help books and wanted my recommendation of a book that she could get for him. The only ones that I knew of were DR, DB and the 5 Love Languages. All of which I recommended. She said that they were not married yet and wondered about DR and DB but I told her the books are about building Relationships and would be a good read for anyone that wants to really develop a loving relationship. She then asked about 5LL and I gave her a quick oral book review of it and we could not help but apply some of the languages to our sit and I told her that I sensed that she was a quality time person and may be a secondary touch (altho she does like the other 3 as well, too) I told her that while it was possible for a couple to do the same thing at the same time and at the same place to really not do it together and that was what I was going to work on with her.
As we were leaving the parking lot of the restaurant she suggested that we go to a local dam and set by the lake for a few minutes. It was a little cool and we both had on shorts but we went and sat on a big flat rock on a small jetty in the lake and we sat and talked for almost an hour. I had started giving her a back and neck rub and she let me for almost 20 minutes when she said it was getting intense and got up. We then went back to the car but on the way back she did take my had some. We then went to a movie (Under the Tuscan Sun - she later said she did not know it was about divorce and said she really appreciated that I did know and did not want to leave) During the movie she would shift in her seat some and quite often would put her hand on my knee, hold my hand or lean against me some. Earlier after the gift shop I had mentioned that I might be a touch person as my primary love language and it could be that she was responding to that.
After the movie I took her home and talked some more in the driveway. She told me that even though she had earlier said that she could not tear down her WAW brick wall that she would now try but that it would talk a long time. I told her that I knew that and that rebuilding trust and faith in each other could not happen over night but that when we first started building trust in each other we had fun dating and getting to know each other and that we can again have fun with each other while rebuilding that trust again. As I was getting ready to leave she asked if she could kiss me on the cheek and give me a hug. Of course I did not say no. But after the hug we talked for about another minute and I gave her another tighter, more feeling hug which she seemed to respond to and as we broke away our faces were very close and I just gave her a lip on lip kiss, I did not hold her tight though so that if she felt it was too much she could pull back some, BUT SHE DID NOT PULL BACK, she kissed me back. I did pull back after about 10 to 15 seconds though, I wanted to not do too much and wanted her to want more. She told me to give her a call when I got home so she could be sure I was safe. Later in the call she thanked me for all we did that afternoon and for her wind chime and especially for her back rub.
I think that even though she did go through with the D, which is something I felt that she felt that she had to do to get rit of all the hurt that a WAW builds up over the years, that we are now on the track to rebuilding our R.
Well this is getting long and I do need to get to work, I am glad that I am here in piecing rather than surviving the big D. But I will need the help and support of all the BB members to keep on track and then move to the KLA areas (which I believe, and I told W, should be for the rest of my life) ODGA
