Where in the world did that come from !!!

[blownaway65]

Hi Everyone, been looking round for a few days, and have finally decided that I could really use some advice.

So here's the situation: W and I have been M for 23 years, S for 5 months. W dropped bomb 16/7/09 (that's 16th July, I'm Australian) that she doesn't love me, and hasn't for a long time, wants out. She left 21/7.

She stayed with her brother for 5 weeks, during which time I really made a fool of myself, pleading, begging, telling her to come back - all the usual wrong stuff.

After 5 weeks I get a phone call, "Can we talk ?". So round I go not really knowing what to expect. "I can't do this without the kids" she tells me (kids are D17, S15 & S21 who is away from home).

So I ask her if she wants to come back and try our R for the sake of the kids. She says Yes so moves back in.

She stayed for 2 1/2 months, but during that whole time it was like living with a complete stranger. She went out of her way to avoid me, even staying at work long after she knocked off because she said it made her feel "sick in the stomach" to come home to me. She never made any attempt to reconcile with the kids either, who I should say are really pissed off with her and the way she was acting.

During the time she was back I was doing everything round the house and I mean everything. It was like she was a guest here.

Anyway, it came to something as simple as who was going to drive D to a friends house. I suggested that maybe we could go together. "I can't live like this !!" was her answer then straight into her bedroom to start packing and off she went again.

It's been 6 weeks since then. I've had minimal contact with her except to arrange for Child Support and for her to drop the occasional item off for the kids.

I really don't think that she has started a PA, but she has told me that she has had plenty of offers (which would be true, she is gorgeous, but it may just be to goad me), but I know that she had an EA before she left with a Facebook friend since May, and another during the time she was back at home. Not too concerned about these as those people are in England & Belgium, although they were talking about our R. She found out I knew just before English guy sent his phone number to her. I confronted her about it and she admitted it and said it would stop. She did drop him off friends for a while, but then added him back once she left again.

Bottom line is she makes only barely enough to survive from her job and has to give me Child Support as well, the kids are pissed at her, I'm going backwards financially even with Child Support cos it's bugger all, oh yeah there's one more thing as well.

We built our own house, absolutely beautiful, Mudbrick. Made everything ourselves - Doors, Windows, Furniture you name it. A real labour of love - took over 10 years. Trouble is if it has to be sold with property settlement we have to get what they call Warranty Insurance because we are owner builders. And the thing with that is once you say the magic word "Mudbrick" to an Insurance Company they politely hang up. All my advice is that the house we poured so much love into together is worth nothing because no-one will buy it without the insurance that I can't get. Have told W that the house is worth only the value of the land, which is almost exactly what we owe on mortgage. I didn't expect that would have her racing back into my arms, but was a little surprised at how calmly she took the news.

I have ordered DR and it should be here early in new year. Last couple of weks I've been trying to keep a low profile but I'm really struggling. This whole thing was really out of the blue.


Would really appreciate some thoughts about what I should be doing and maybe some insight into what's going on in her head.