I'm moved over to the "piecing" forum now but had an incident tonight and I need help and advice please!
Very odd situation.... Today is the 22nd anniversary of our first date. H remembered that this a.m. and was very sweet about it, wishing me a "happy anniversary" before leaving from work. We didn't discuss any plans for the evening or anything, and I am still aware of DBing and not doing too much pursuing. I waited til about 2:00 and sent H a text asking how his day was going. I got a reply "good". No, "how was yours?" nothing else. But, I am aware H is still somewhat in the fog, it has only been a few weeks since A ended.
Nothing else all day, so made a nice supper assuming H would be home, as he has been since A ended. Just before 6:00 I get a call from the police saying they had a complaint of the driver of my H's car opening the car door and vomiting. Police asked is it possible my H has been drinking or has been ill? I'm terribly worried, he is not a drinker, so I say no. Give police his cell number so they can follow through. I call his cell first because I am so worried.
Now... one more detail I should provide.... the officer stated the complaint was made seeing his car on a particular street that I had wondered was a street OW lived on, but was never able to verify it. Now, there are many, many reasons for H to be driving on that street as it is a busy street that he would drive on a lot for a lot of different reasons. But... it triggered my fears.
So, when I called H my voice was shakey, I was upset.
RW: "ARe you ok?" H: "Yeah, why?" RW: "Where are you?" H: "At the mall, why?" RW: "I got a call from the police saying someone complained that the driver of your car was vomiting out the door." H: "What?" chuckles "Well I was using mouthwash and spit it out the door when I stopped at an intersection." (this is actually not unusual behavior for my H) RW: "Oh, ok.... well, I need to ask you because this is bothering me... did this have anything to do with OW?" H: "What?" voice raising, getting frustrated "Why would you ask that?" RW: "Because the police said you were on a certain street that I have wondered if OW lives on.." H: "What? She doesn't live on that street. Why would you think that?" Then there was a conversation about how a few months ago, in my investigating I googled OW's name and came up with that address for someone with the same first initial and same last name. H proceeds to puruse asking me why I would do that, what would I have done with that information, I could have gotten arrested etc. I then have enough, call him a few choice names and hang up.
This is 180 behavior for me. I don't name call and I don't hang up the phone.
Two hours go by. Nothing.
Finally I text that I feel he owes me an apology. I get a call that escalates again. The final point H makes is that for the past couple of weeks he has been giving me every reason to trust him, so why couldn't I trust him about this? I tell him this has only been a few weeks and it is not reasonable to expect that my trust is fully restored. This makes him very mad and we hang up mad again. He is going to some hockey game I guess... who knows when he will be home.
Well, this is our first major bump since reconciling. I knew it would come. Things were going very well. We have been talking, calm, working things out, ML, affectionate, etc. H has been owning and taking responsibility, apologizing, going to IC, etc.
But how do I respond? I feel that I have been very understanding, handling things very well considering everything I have been through. H has too. Is this a pride issue... who apologizes first? I don't think I should be pursuing, etc. ugh... I am upset right now and not thinking clearly so any advice is welcome. thanks!
