I totally understand Maple, There were times when I was at your point that I couldn't come on these boards or do much more than just barely function for me and the kids. Have a good time with your kids making the cookies. That is what it is all about. And don't forget to take care of yourself too. We are here for you and you are not alone. Hugs, Rocked
I have been softening over the last few days. I never thought I would be in the position I am in. I never thought I would even consider reconcilling when there were multiple A. Who is this person? Am I thinking straight?
As of now my current train of thought leaves me with: I do want to move forward with H as a part of my life and work on making our relationshop better than ever. Can I do it? Can H do it? Can we do it together? I am hesitant to tell H that I want us to work on our M as I wonder if I will feel the same way tomorrow or the next day. Overall, he seems to want to stay together. I know that if we do move forward together, that at any point either one of us might decide its not working.
I am still highly emotional as to be expected. I love H. I hate H. I am angry. I am sad. I want pay back for the hurt H has caused.
Today, I looked at the emails H had sent to OW#1 back in 2007-2008. I did not pay much attention to the dates until now and it kills me that it happened when I was pregnant with DD#2, working fulltime and DD#1 was only 1 yrs old. Why did I have to look again and torture myself? Do the details really matter in the overall scheme of it? And then I wonder, where there more than 2 OW? I know I can't think that way as it will make me go crazy. I have to accept there were only two incidences and move on.
And I hate the fact, H might run into OW at work. I asked him what he would say to her if it happened. He said “not much, probably 'hi'”. I told him if she tries to strike up a conversation he should respond “it is inappropriate for us to talk as I am fully committed to my family.” He said overall he usually does not need to go over to that area where she works. He worked there on Sat and it was so hard for me. I guess this is where I have to learn to detach.
Last night, H and I took the kids to the xmas train and light display. I had prepurchased tixs back in November. It is a strange feeling to go out as a “family”. It was hard but at the same time strangely comforting.
So far, I am still sticking with the plans for Christmas day: We will all be together in morning for present opening. H will have girls early afternoon. And then I will take them over to my parents for dinner.
I feel like I am starting to get into a funk. It does not help that this cold is kicking the crap out of me.
So for this week I will:
1.finish the xmas shopping alone (H will look after kids one night) – try to make it relaxing as possible with eggnog latte in one hand and maybe get myself something nice too. 2.Do some more xmas baking – making eggnong cheesecake and xmas cupcakes 3.Try to do one more big xmas activity with kids – festival of lights or heritage xmas 4.Work on PMA and remind myself of all the good things that are in my life 5.Make an appointment for IC.
You sound good, Maple Gal. Yes, mind control in the face of adultery is very hard. It is not that the leopard cannot change his spots. He can. But it is a life-altering thing for him to do it. Like an alcoholic or a smoker, they don't just give it up because they say they want to. Something inside them has to change.
Can you post the eggnog cheesecake recipe? I've been wanting to make one of those.
Hi Maple, It is hard to believe any of us consider reconciling with the things we've been through isn't it? Yet... so many of us do.... why? Because most of us are here on these boards because we believe in M and commitment and we love our spouses and our families. And, I have learned from my reading that M's can be saved and be better than ever after sitches like these.
BUT... it is a lot of work on our part as the LBS, and it often feels extrememly unfair, cuz it IS extremely unfair.
Your mixed feelings are so understandable and normal. I can sure relate to them. It is a roller coaster ride. But, I believe it is worth putting my best effort in.
Your list sounds good... one day at a time you will be ok! Keep us posted.... Rocked
It has been 2 weeks now since I confronted H regarding A. It seems like its been longer and I am amazed at how quickly things change and how much has happemed since then.
Had my first IC appointment. It was good.
I ended up inviting H over to my parents for Christmas dinner. H said he would like to be there with the girls. My parents know we are not together but do not know the main reason. They will be happy to see him as my mom keeps asking if he is coming. I want DD4 and DD2 to have a positive Christmas experience and minimize any negative associations with the holidays as recommended by therapist.
And H has agreed to go next month with me for MC. It will be a good start for the New Year.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all who has provided me with wonderful advice and followed my sitch.
Can you post the eggnog cheesecake recipe? I've been wanting to make one of those.
Hi Lotus - I am too lazy to type it out. Go to kraftfoods website and search eggnog cheesecake. I made it once before and it was good but the taste was a lot milder than expected.
