hope you are taking it easy during the holiday season. i can't believe the position that i am in this christmas but i am making the choice to have a good holiday for me and my son.
as for your hubby's actions, i understand you being upset about the new year's eve plan. your hubby's follow on actions (the trying to appease you because he knows what he is doing or at least how he handled the situation is wrong) is something that my hubby does. my hubby said it like this to me the other day..."i do enough to keep you around and not too mad at me." Yea, sucks that he said it but even if he didn't ever SAY it, his actions SHOW that exact sentiment.
I say all this to say, look at what your husband is SHOWING you. that is why all these people are betting that there is another woman. the signs are there. I knew there was another woman in my case just by my hubby's signs. see, one thing is that most married people know that cheating is wrong and they can justify all they want but every once in a while it hits their conscience and thats when they gotta butter you up. just don't ignore the signs britt. and you can't simply ask him, or ask friends. no one told me...i snooped (and not just looking at email or phone) and thats how i found out what hubby was up to.
Last edited by 4luv; 12/18/0902:54 PM.
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
He's manipulating me now to make me happy so I'm not upset about him going away. Its sick. I don't know how to handle this.
P.S. I put new black curtain up in our room, and they really darken the room. He loves that. And comes in and says " Well looks like I know where I'll be sleeping from now on.."
Really
Sometimes there is a place and time to be controlling and put your foot down. Just because you read Divorce Busting does not mean you should allow yourself to be walked on whenever they wish to.
Hi Britt, I've taken a few days off from here, but I think I'm caught up. I just want to offer understanding and support. My H does the same thing - he makes all sorts of plans without one word to me. He just assumes that I'll be taking care of our DD. It's incredibly selfish.
You've worked on GAL and so have I. Yet, here we are still being dumped on - it sucks. Our H's live like single men unless they have nothing better to do - then for a short time we become a priority. It's very, very hurtful.
I don't really have advice, but I do care and I totally relate. Hugs to you. : )
Me: 34 H: 34 DD: 3 M: 8 yrs H moved out Oct. 2008, "not happy" "don't know what I want" "will always love you, but not in love with you" PA Bomb: April 5, 2010
There was your opening for your "I have been doing some thinking and here is what I have decided" speech...
There IS another woman. Bank on it.
Hi Sweetie,
There will be another opportunity for the "I've decided" speech. I would like to suggest you watch for the opportunity and take it.
If it is OW or something else is irrelevant. H is making irresponsible decisions. I would suggest you assume it is OW based on the insight of the wise people on this website. When the truth becomes clear in the future, making this assumption now will make this any other possibility easy to handle.....Just my 2 cents.
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Yep. He's asking for hugs and bringing smoothies to keep her happy enough to let him stay home.
it's a guilty conscience reaction, he's doing something wrong and he knows it but can't tell her but is supplicating her (or attempting to) because he is trying to feel better about his guilty actions.
Wow. Not quite what I wanted to hear, but thank you everybody. I definitely haven't put it on the back burner. I am just slowly digging and investigating. It takes time to find these things out.
Came home from running around today. H asks me if I want to go to the Family Christmas Police Party on sunday with him. Really? To me this is huge. He hasn't invited me to an outside function with the children as a family since this started. I am thinking positive thoughts. He is not hiding me anymore, or the situation. I find that a big step in the right direction.
I also haven't forgotten about the weekend getaway, and not sure how I am going to handle that. Just trying to get through the next week of Christmas okay without any drama. After that, is when this gets serious.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Britt.. I'm sorry for you, girlfriend!! The New Year is what WE make of it. I'm in (to a lesser degree) the same mindset. Get THROUGH the holidays... The New Years trip is TOTAL crap behavior, as is his living as a single, in your family home. I like the idea of going to the party - Cutter's right about the intel - but, think you should be independent while there.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
