Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[Coach]

I just hate like h*ll that things are the way they are.

Not something you get to control. Let go.

I do feel, as you did, that I'll be alone the rest of my life and that I can't do "as good" as my wife. Again just being honest.

Yep. Really focus on this b/c you solve this unreasonable belief, then you unlock a world of healing and can let go.

The cure is self-esteem, self-confidence and optimism.

Working through this problem goes something like this:

1. Identify the root cause of your fear- I will be lonely the rest of my life and I won't be able to find as great a woman as W.
2. Is that root cause a reasonable belief? Of course not. I have a lot to offer and I will end up with a better R than my current M and with a better person for me.
3. Get rid of the irrational belief and your emotions will follow. As Coach says, CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS, CHANGE YOUR EMOTION." B/c emotion follows thought, not the other way around.

I do need a healthy dose of self-esteem, but it's hard to get it when so many important things in your life are so messed up!

This is victim speak. Victims say things are done to them. As if they do not control their happiness and feel helpless to change things (Seligman calls this "learned helplessness" and it is the oil that greases the tracks to depression).

So, your life (and mine, and everyone here) isn't where you want it to be. That you don't control. How you deal with it and how you react to it ARE TOTALLY up to you. You gonna just survive or thrive? You want to let this conquer you or are you going to kick it's a$$.

Choice is your's man. I know which one I picked, and I'll be damned if this, or anything else, is going to keep me down. I DESERVE better.