Bunny - you said: "I was telling my friend here about last night and feeling low, and while doing so, I heard someone else mutter under their breath "give me a f***g break!"."
I have to share a story similar to this.
I was at a family function for Thanksgiving, very very large family (50 people). I wandered into the kitchen to find something, and while I was in there, I notice these HUGE HUGE pots and pans and other dishes, etc...because cooking for 50 people uses a lot of dishes and cookware. This function was held at a fraternity lodge-type place, with a big communal kitchen. However, I knew that us family would all have to pitch in to clean, so when I saw this mess, I said under my breath "what a MESS!" Then I found what I needed and left the kitchen.
I did not notice this, but my sister-in-law and her best friend (who was always invited to family things) were standing in a corner in the kitchen talking.
About a year later, some topic came up about my sister-in-law's best friend, a party she was having or something. I inquired about it because I like this gal and was hoping I was invited. My SIL said "well, I'm not sure you are invited...she thinks you don't like her". I'm like...."what? WTF? I've always liked her, why would she have that impression at all? I've always been nice to her, always inquired after her, WTF?" My SIL said she didn't know why the friend had that impression, so I asked her to ask her friend about the "why" of it all, and also told her to tell her that I DO like her and care about her and hope she will realize that.
Later after SIL had talked to friend to ask why she thinks I don't like her, it turned out that when I wandered into the kitchen, not even seeing the two women talking to each other and muttered "what a MESS!", well apparently the friend had thought I said "what a MENACE!" and thought I was talking about HER being a menace.
When SIL first told me this, I didn't even remember the part I had muttered under my breath, so I was dumbfounded. I don't think I've ever called anyone a menace in my entire life, its not a word I use often. I certainly would never call this woman a menace even if I didn't like her! It is just an odd word to use.
I wracked my brain around this for days and days, and finally I dimly remembered muttering "what a MESS!"
Sigh...
So when I remembered this, I told SIL the story, but by then, the friend had already written me off for calling her a menace. I just told SIL to please believe me and please ask her friend to believe me, but I knew there was nothing more I could do. The friend was convinced I had called her a "menace" (sigh, if you knew me it be funnier, as this is just not my style in any way), and forever after I was labled with "not liking SIL's friend". I actually never saw her again, as I got divorced a few years later, and this was a friend of my ex-h's sister.
To this day, I keep this story close in my mind, so that I can remember a couple of things:
1. Even when you think you know something is about you, sometimes its not. Unless someone says something to ME DIRECTLY, I will not assume they have said something about me.
2. Don't mutter things under my breath under any circumstances, as it is very easy for others to feel it is about them!
So my point is...I doubt that the "give me a friggin' break" was even about you...that person was possibly reading something and was talking about that.
I think that you are so battered and torn down about this whole situation that you are bound to feel paranoid, lost, forgotten, or ostrasized. These are normal feelings in your situation.
I can't remember, did you say if you are still attending IC? Also, do you have any close girlfriends or a sister you could hang out with a lot in the next couple of weeks? You need to be surrounded by people who love you.
As for the house and the kids and the husband and the tree...honey, I know this is very very hard. But each time it is hard, remember your "hell night" and ask yourself if this is harder than that night? Then mentally picture a future that is better for you, one which you enjoy.
Keep remembering that all of us have been in that lonely place you are in before...you are not alone, we can all help you and talk you through it. But you need real life help, too.
NOT socializing in bars, NOT dating. You need support, not physical affection. I know you miss that too, but that will come easy for you when the time is right.
Spybunny, Do you know how to find me in the alt universe? I have a hard time sometimes finding everyone because I know screen names and not real names most of the time.
I was just thinking that it might be a pick me up to have someone visit? I have off of school until late January. I'm not trying to invite myself, I guess I am, but it would be something to look forward to.
Spybunny, I would suggest that H not be your go-to handyman. He showed you his true colors. I mean honestly, he asked about a web-cam? Is he even taking you seriously or just humoring you figuring you will crumble and come home.
In the alt I am Kelly Jo Maier Landers.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Once you find Wifey. you can have her point the way to me if you are so inclined.
Keep taking care of you... do what you love, be gentle with yourself (that does NOT include feeling sorry for yourself), find a way to be grateful for what you have, and enjoy the spirit of the season however you chose to celebrate it.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Don't worry- I'm not feeling sorry for myself anymore, I got over it. It was a bad couple of days at the beginning of the week, but then I started getting busy working around the townhouse. I got my tree set up, unpacked a few more boxes, and got some decorating ideas. I learned that I do need to stay busy to keep my PMA. After the holidays, I want to contact a couple of friends and see if I can arrange something. (And thank you Wifey, I will look for you in the alt.)
That guy who gave me a bad time on Friday contacted me last night, and I surprised myself by telling him- "You hurt me, stay away from me". That's an improvement, normally I just would have buried that. Maybe I'm started to get a backbone. At least he apologized- but I still want him to stay away from me. How he misunderstood "I don't want to" is really questionable.
H still checks in on me a couple of times a week, things like "I'm going to the store, do you need anything?" My answer is always the same, "No thank you, I'm all set." Pleasant, but I don't really engage in much conversation.
My next goal is to invite someone other than my kids, H or my parents to the townhouse (meaning a friend) and start rebuilding a social life. I'm proud of where I am.
I haven't found myself thinking about him, or wondering what he's doing (OK- except that one time when I checked his profile). It just doesn't occur to me during the day or evening.
How he misunderstood "I don't want to" is really questionable.
He didn't misunderstand. He thought he could push you and get away with it.
I swear, sometimes I think these kinds of predators have a sixth sense for women that they can victimize...
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
((Bunny)) I'm also in the alt, Bridge can steer you to me. Meanwhile, you're invited to my Virtual Slumber Party thread in the 'Just for Fun' section. Super Giant Hugs...Goldey
My next goal is to invite someone other than my kids, H or my parents to the townhouse (meaning a friend) and start rebuilding a social life. I'm proud of where I am.
Bunny, there will be good days...and some bad ones. Those who have left get it. Like Bridge said, a 'new normal' will emerge. And it can get a little weird at times. Don't ever doubt that you are doing what's best for Bunny and Chester. A Big Giant Virtual hug. (*(*(*(Bunny)*)*)*) I'm asking Santa for a laptop w/ Webcam so I can stay in touch with my out of state family and friends. Peace.
