ssmguy, you said: "Though I'm currently tolerating the situation, I cannot accept it long term. I know that, and that's why I'm here, and reading and thinking and talking to various people about the situation, including my wife, of course (but in gentle and humorous ways)."
I just don't understand you. You've "tried everything", nothing anyone suggests is anything you haven't already tried, you've read all the books - they have nothing new to say to you, you've both been to counseling - she refuses to go back so you can't do anything about that...I don't get it! You "cannot accept it long term", yet you've "tried everything" and nothing will work. So what the heck is your solution? No advice you've been given here is apparently worthy in your situation because its just "so unusual", or you've already tried it. Therefore, you are just plain SOL as far as your own description of things, yet you "cannot accept it long term". WTF?
ssmguy...I know you are convinced that you've tried everything and no one has anything new to add...but why are you also convinced that you "cannot accept it long term", when you are also not willing to divorce? You've painted yourself into a corner and people who are trying to help you and show you some glimmers of hope are just shot down each and every time.
