Start of the end..

[iwantittowork]

Damnit, I am doing well most of the time, and then something happens and I get sucked right back down!!!!

I had to go to d8's school today for assembly before they are dismissed for winter break, and as STBXW works there figure she would be there. She is not there for assembly, and I note that as odd, as she has never missed one before.

Then I see that SS17 is there to pickup d8 after school. That's odd, but I say hi, and he says STBXW is having surgery today.

Ugh. First thing I do is slip right back into emotion, and wonder oh no! Is she ok? What's going on? SS17 doesn't know, and then I realize it is probably an elective surgery then, if she has not let me know, so that I can take d8, and not let ss17 know either.

Damnit, I am ticked at myself for letting this emotion for her back in! I am all wired up now, wondering if she is getting more plastic surgery or tubes tied, or some such! God, I want to kick myself for letting this get to me!

I have no way of knowing what's going on, or what she is doing, so I have to let this go! It irks me that this bothers me so much again, when I had been doing well on letting things drop!

On the one hand though, if it's an elective surgery, and I am in the middle of D proceedings, I want it noted, in case that has financial impact to either of us during this time.