NC - W vanished ...

[newmama]

Part 2 of the WS "formula" (can't think of the right synonym!):

So, while the WS is with the OP...
-starts off exciting, exclusive, 2 lovers against the world!
-the A is exposed, but they hold on...they will be brave and stay together, no matter the odds against them! (Romeo and Juliet)
-the WS finds themself trying to adjust to not having the same relationship with their family and trying to establish new memories and traditions with the OP
-the WS is insecure with the OP, worried the OP will cheat on them
-the OP stops working so hard to woo the WS because "they have them"
-the OP gets tired of having to reassure the WS
-if there are kids, the OP gets tired of sharing their time with the WS because of the kids
-the WS starts to miss their old life but fights it off, they start to realize that their new life with the OP doesn't bring them the happiness they expected
-the WS compares the OP to the BS, starts to wonder about the BS and thinks fondly of them
-the OP gets insecure and is worried the WS will go back to BS
-the OP pressures WS for divorce from BS...what's taking so long?
-the relationship ends in some way
-the WS looks up the BS; reaches out

Now if BS has established NC, then the WS is at first free to engage in the A without being reminded of the guilt. But the story plays out the same. Many argue that the A ends faster because the WS doesn't get to "eat cake" by staying in touch with BS.

All FWS who have shared their story claim they never stopped loving BS

With my WH and his exW, she "never looked back" for 3 years because she got married and had kids with the OM. But the same thing happened regarding missing her life with WH.

With my SIL's exH, he viciously pursued D (like DBD's H) and then threw the relationship in SIL's face because "she had to get used to this reality"
SIL begged, pleaded, cried, fought back. Her exH ended his relationship with OW 9 months after it began but was too proud to go back to SIL. He decided to play the field and live the bachelor life (even though he still had his boys and stayed in touch but at first he wasn't as involved with them). 6 months after "playing the field" he started to become nicer to my SIL, and she became suspicious. Meanwhile, she had met a nice fellow. After a few months of him knowing she was with the new guy, he told her he wanted to work things out. She told her boyfriend and they ended their relationship. Her exH wasn't able to do the hard work involved and bailed.She went back to her boyfriend. 6 months later, he tries again to get her back. She discovers she is willing to try and her new boyfriend had some major baggage that was starting to concern her anyway. So from July to present, they are taking it slow, still divorced, but having date nights and he is in IC and they are spending time with the boys together as a family each weekend. He wants to marry her again.

So those are 2 scenarios. It took more than 6 months for the WS to "wake up" even with NC and D.