Well she is still living with me while waiting for the Judges signature / waiting period and for her own place to be ready.
She is civil when she gets what she wants but far from friendly towards me. If she doesnt get what she wants she acts like a spoiled and angry 13 year old girl.
Now that my eyes are open I am doing everything I can to try and find out if there is or was an OM. Sometimes I stoop a little low but I don't care. I have three good reason to know.
If I could only find out what her laptop password is, I could probably put this fear to rest and move on.
First, my heart goes out to you. I am in an SSM and don't know what the future will bring for me. I do know that even if I find it hard to believe, I am part of the reason my marriage relationship is in crisis. I have to keep telling myself that so that I can focus on changing myself to be a better, happier, more complete person with a stronger self-image. You may wish to also do some introspection, reading and/or counseling so that you too can let go and emotionally grow from your crisis.
Since you say that your divorce is immenent. I would suggest that you let go of your wife. This means really letting go. There is absolutely no reason that you need to find out what she has been hiding from you. It will only hurt you to learn what it is that she is hiding. It will not make you a better or happier person. Focus your time and effort on making yourself truly happy with yourself. Don't spend another second on trying to figure her out, you and your adult child need to be your focus.
You indicated that you have a son who is grown and living on his own. This has got to be tearing him apart and making him wonder if a "marriage for him" will be doomed to failure. I suggest that you figure out how to spend time with him.
In my SSM, if I end up divorcing my wife, I intend to make sure my two adult sons know that I am extemely proud of them and the fact that my 38 years of marriage created two wonderful human beings. I also want them to know that my love for them is not something they will ever need to worry about loosing. The best way that I feel that I can do that is by showing them that even if my wife and I go our separate ways that I still have love for the mother of my children and that I do not regret our time together that created my children and the time we spent raising them. This may help them in being better husbands and fathers. I want to lead by example that in life one should look at one's glass as half full and not half empty.
My final thought is that you should read up on the steps involved in grieving: Anger, denial, bargaining,.....acceptance. If I were you, I would write out the steps and figure out where you are in that process. Then I would do whatever it takes to quickly move myself along to acceptance and realizing that I am not a bad person and that your wife is not a bad person, but she is merely a flawed human being.
Good luck to you. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your warnings.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
