K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[The Wifey]

granted I posted a lot the past 2 days and have my moments of not wanting to let W go. Geez, she is my W. I have kids with her. We have been married for 12 years. Kind of signed up for life, or at least that is what I think was said when we got married.

This has been a struggle. I have gone through lots of human emotions through this. I have done some things I shouldn't have and changed some things I should have.

Kev, I got this. Really. But you need not go back to the beginning whenever you are down. Just saying I'm a little down, having a rough patch - we can all identify with.

Answering every single post, musing every passing thought, agonizing over interaction with your wife will kill your progress.

Yes, there has been a thaw of sorts with your wife. That is only step 1 on a long road. You can be decent and not push her. Step 1.

Everyone's path is different. But ultimately everyone on here has basically the same goals. Save the M and improve their life by changing themselves to be a better all around person. There are a lot of things I do not do anymore that led me to be in a bad position. So maybe you don't see it all, but I am far better off than I used to be.

Yes! And we all move at different speeds. However, that doesn't mean you get to duck responsibility for your own progress. You've made some progress. Its up to you to make more, with no excuses. No reasons why it was too hard.

Letting go isn't easy. But it isn't stopping me from being involved with others and helping out people when I can. It isn't stopping me from doing what I need to for my girls. It is stopping me from moving on to find someone else. My goal isn't to move on and find someone else.

It has probably hindered to an extent forward progress with me and W. I can't deny that.

So what is the goal? To keep hindering any progress or to grow? You don't have to find someone else to grow. Life is busy, complicated, days pass into each other so quickly. It is you that you have to grow.

I am however looking to make a change in my career and get a certification to move that forward which would be great for me.

The most important reason to do this is to have a goal and reach it. Do it for you, Kev.

I won't dodge the AA issue. I assume the meetings are going well for those that are still attending and need them. I have a C I go to and I have my priest I go to and I have friends that support me as well that I spend time with which does not include drinking.

I am doing fine there.

Bull Sh&t meter pegged to the max. Sorry, my friend. Addictive behaviors are more than putting a bottle to your mouth or not. It has everything to do with your lack of control on your emotions, acting out or saying things you know you shouldn't say or do because you can't stand it any more, because you got frustrated, etc. It has a lot to do with realizing after the fact and shuddering in horror and regret for those things after the fact and having to start over repeatedly.

Kev, it pains me to come on here and see you spinning like a top depending on who is blasting you at any particular moment. Slow down, breath, and feel. There is nothing you have to do right now in the next five minutes.

Stop yourself from agonizing over everything. Sometimes it just is what it is, and that's all that there is. Stop and feel, even if you need to go have a good cry, which I suspect we all need to do occasionally.

Trust in God. I know you have faith. Give those things you want to agonize over to him. Why did my W say that? I don't know - only God does. Why did she ask me to sit with her? I don't know - only God does.

As a favor to me, please, go to more AA meetings. My uncle is sitting in Hudson Valley Correctional Facility for a 16-to life sentence for DWI. He has every reason in the world why. It is all going to be different when he gets out. I can't tell you how many times I've heard it.

And just because you don't have a DWI, does not mean the meetings are useless. It is the reasons behind why someone drinks that they work on. Those are the very things you need to work on. And if you really are all good there, then sponsoring someone else will help someone else.

Alcoholism is not something you just decide not to do any more. I want to see you strong. Please say you will go.