Hmmmm.... it is too bad she is not open to IC at this point, it sounds like there are some unresolved issues there for sure. From everything I have read, it seems clear that for women, sexuality has a lot to do with psychology more so than for men. We seem to have a harder time putting aside unresolved issues to embrace our sexuality, whereas for men it seems often to be more instinctual. How's that for psycho babble? lol
How long has it been since the A is over and you have reconciled? What was your sex life like before the A? (Sorry, you've probably already posted all that... just don't quite have the time to go back....) I'm asking these questions out of curiosity from a woman's perspective but also to help me with my own sitch.
If your W is not open to IC, is she open to other ways to embrace her sexuality or to "free" herself a bit...? There are some good books out there, and also doing things like taking belly dancing or yoga often helps women get in touch with feeling good about their bodies.
Also - has she ever talked to her Dr.? At 49 there might be beginnings of hormonal changes with meopause that affects libido.
Just some ideas I've picked up from my own journey to self improvement....
