I have NEVER sent OR received a text like that even when h and I were at each other's throats, let alone for a 10 min delay. That is officially nuts.
um, my H has. he is not nuts either. Who knows why he sent it, what he was feeling, maybe he sent the email sooner than it shows...my email is sometimes weird and doesn't always arrive when it should...but when he sends those types of texts, it probably is best to ignore them. only reply when he's being pleasant, or has legitimate reasons. I think when you replied the first time (about not reading his email yet) you needed to first tell him not to treat you disrespectfully with his texts. and good job not responding to him when he was still acting retarded.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Trying to keep boundaries. Respond when he is respectful. Ignore when he isn't.
St..on the cs issue. He has had to pay since oct. 08. Until the order was in effect he gave me one package of diapers a week for 2 months! He was pretty good and on time for the first 10 months as I really think that when he got his license back he would be able to take baby and then lower the cs. Once I said no to that he became later and later. He was running one payment behind (he pays me twice a month) and has asked me to skip payments 3 times. Once in June so he could buy his daughter a 8th grade grad present..and then again in November and now this month. All 3 times I have said no. Adding up in my head what he pays exw1, me, and then the cel phones and orthdontist for his other kids it is now almost 2/3 of his paycheck. He started struggling more when exw1 made him pay for the ortho and phones. Long run he isn't going to make it if this keeps up.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
SO2, I think that is a good idea, to go to xmas and then leave before dinner.
Quote:
You do not owe an explaination to your XH at all for the garnishment and at least not to say it causes you both stress, you maybe but certainly not him.
no, she doesn't OWE an explanation, but have we forgotten our DB principles? We need to continue to plant ourselves in other peoples shoes. I'm sorry, but that is how I look at things, no matter what the sitch, I'm going to try to understand how the other person feels and what they might be thinking, and how can I present myself, or change the situation to make it better for both people.
the other thing is, what is YOUR VISION SO2?? If your vision is to put exh out of your life as much as possible..well, then who cares what you do, and what you do to him. BUT, as I mentioned, the firstmost important step is helping your D have the best R she can have with her father. SO ultimately, the choices you make will have a big affect on this.
Or, do you have a vision that maybe someday your exH, and your M will be saved? Again, your choices will have an affect. You can be an encourager to exH to help him live the right path, or you can do the opposite. I'm not saying to be a doormat and be all nicey nicey, I'm saying for you to be the best mom, woman you can be living your own life, and in the meantime set healthy boundaries and be extremely consistent with him, and build his character up by encouraging his good behavior and using your boundaries for his bad behavior, for ex. ignoring his rude texts.
Depending on your level of emotional health, will also determine how much you should allow exH to be in your life as well. I don't see a problem with them spending some holiday time together..neither of them are remarried, and I know that both of them have some desire to be together.
SO2, your going to have to judge this for yourself. Spending more time with him can set you up for expectations and even false hope. I believe in hope, but you have to live in your head that you are not with him, and if he changes praise God, and if he doesn't, well, you aren't affected by it because your living your life. does that make sense? I believe everyone can change, but I don't want to see you hurt yourself either, as someone mentioned about about you getting hurt after the party. That's why you GAL and build yourself up, so that your emotionally strong, you love yourself, you do not rely on exh or anyone except God to put a price on your worth.
If you feel your emotional stability waivers, then take some steps back, but because he is the father of your child, it would be wonderful to see how you can help him learn to change and become a great father, a great man, and maybe someday a great husband if that's what you want.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Hey Startingover.. I don't know you, but I just saw this. Can't you just have the cs garnished? In IL, it is EASY to do! There, really, doesn't even have to be a reason! And, you should be able to handle the paperwork w/out an attorney.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
All 3 times I have said no. Adding up in my head what he pays exw1, me, and then the cel phones and orthdontist for his other kids it is now almost 2/3 of his paycheck. He started struggling more when exw1 made him pay for the ortho and phones. Long run he isn't going to make it if this keeps up.
okay, well, you mentioned him working for her family. that's a tough one and makes much more sense now, but totally unfair to you.
just keep saying no every time no matter what unless something crazy happens like he loses a limb or something. have you mentioned "are you required to pay the kids' cell phones? could you ask to hold off on those?" not sure that's a great idea, but why is he paying unless it's court ordered (although it is a nice thing he's doing, but it's unfair to expect you to skip a payment because of it)?
the other thing is, he's made a choice to be here, so if that's the amounts the courts have chosen, then he has to deal with it. But I can understand how that would be really frustrating for him.
So is he still running 1 payment behind? Well, this is what I would do. you do what you feel is right though.
because he keeps being late, it can cause some unneeded stress on you because I'm sure you use it to pay some bills. I would tell him that you want to talk sometime...I would wait till after holidays. and talk to him, tell him you understand that it is difficult for him, and thank him for paying. (it could be WAY worse) and tell him that in 2010 you need for him to be caught up and pay by this date. You believe that he will prove to be reliable but you want to do the best for D and make sure she has everything she needs without having any extra stress. If he can make the payments by this date that is wonderful, but your atty feels that if they can't be made on time that the best thing is to arrange it with the courts, so it can be done automatically and with less stress on everyone.
that's a really hard one to word in a positive way though.
hey, what does he do with first exW? has he always paid check or is it thru the courts? or I guess they could just take it out when they pay him huh.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
With the first exw the sister/bookkeeper makes sure she is paid along with whatever for the other kids.
No, he isn't behind anymore. Last night he came by slammed the 2 checks (past due and current) on the counter and slammed the door when he left.
So now he is back to being nice. Sent a text telling baby and I to have a good day. I haven't responded yet.
Getting ready for Alanon meeting and coffee....I am so looking forward to that.
Thanks again to everyone here! God bless you all!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
glad his irritation didn't last long (you didn't respond to him right? and that helped). He's really put himself between a rock and a hard place, so even though he was slamming things, don't take it personal. I have a feeling he's not as mad at you as you think, but he's mad at himself too...otherwise he wouldn't have sent the nice text. And great thing that he brought himself current, although with some attitude, he still did the right thing. He's just showing you with his actions that he's frustrated. And, it seems to me, because of 1st exW's control, your the only person he could have any leeway with..but don't ever ever let that happen, because then he will keep trying to do that with you, and you've done great already saying no 3 times. good job.
hope you have a great time at the meeting and learn a lot.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
No, he isn't behind anymore. Last night he came by slammed the 2 checks (past due and current) on the counter and slammed the door when he left.
I am sure he was frusturated. Again, that has to hurt that 2/3 of his check leaves every month. But it is for his kids that he played an equal role in bringing into this world. His life can't be enjoyable right now.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
No, he isn't behind anymore. Last night he came by slammed the 2 checks (past due and current) on the counter and slammed the door when he left.
I am sure he was frusturated. Again, that has to hurt that 2/3 of his check leaves every month. But it is for his kids that he played an equal role in bringing into this world. His life can't be enjoyable right now.
Kevin
What he doesn't get is that his actions brought this on...his drinking and cheating. He wouldn't have to pay cs at all if he was a decent husband. Im not perfect, but I was willing to make changes that I needed to.
So, I never made it to the meeting. My friend called this morning and said on of her twins was sick. Another time.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
you should have still gone to the meeting. things will always arise, and either we can make excuses, or take action anyways. I know it's easier when you have someone with you.
so what plans do you have next?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
