I've been reading the boards for a while, including your story, but haven't posted before. First, I want to say that I'm full of admiration for the good spirit, fortitude, loyalty, and moral clarity that you've shown throughout this difficult situation.
The reason I post now is to try to bring together a few matters that have come up in different posts over the last couple of days. I don't have any suggestions, just a few questions, and the wish to add my voice as another person out there who's hoping the best for you.
At the centre of the difficulties you're facing seem to be, as your C said, your FIL -- it's quite a striking element of your story that your W & FIL are to be the only family members to know about her plans to file. Alongside this there's your W's unaddressed grief over her mother, and her ongoing health problems. You also mention how your W's family are committed to medical solutions to your W's headaches, but the medical treatment doesn't seem to have helped her in any long term way.
Your recap was helpful, but I wonder, could you add, when did your W's parents divorce? Also, when did your wife's health problems first begin? Also, could you say a bit about how your FIL responded (and coped with) your MIL's death? One final question - you mentioned your BIL but say you haven't met him - I'm a bit puzzled - is this your W's brother (and son of your FIL)? If so what's the relationship like between BIL and FIL?
Like I say, I don't have any insight into these matters, just reflecting on how the family dynamics and grief might be impacting on your W's situation.
