Moving on with my life!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

25, I would like to first say that you have valid points. however, what I am going to do is highlight some of your wording. remember, the people here are needing help, they are hurting, and they need support. I think it would help SO2 more if you left out the sarcasm/criticism. We want to help encourage her to do the right things not make her feel stupid.

and perhaps your writing in this manner because you are frustrated in your own sitch too. I know that everyone here can get easily frustrated, including myself, and we just want to help the other person understand.

S2,
Get your helmet on b/c you need a serious 2 x 4...


Child support is not up to you. It's for the child. What right do you have to decide whether she should get the support from her father to which SHE is entitled? The court & state trust that you will see that she is cared for and that means getting the C/S as efficiently as possible and I would NOT Even start a div sitch OR a sep without making sure the funds would be there and if they weren't, a garnishment would be the "Easiest" thing to do so HE doesn't have to remember to pay or get an envelope and stamp or drive over blah blah blah EASIEST FOR ALL CONCERNED...OH, but then you don't get to SEE HIM?

If anything, forcing this might make your X h respect you a tad more (or a lot more) since you would be putting your child's needs ahead of your own terror of "losing him" (as if you guys are working on things IN your m) and your need for contact with him RADIATES...

Get a garnishment if he is ever late. OH, what's that? HE HAS BEEN LATE SEVERAL TIMES AND YOU DID WHAT?? Nothing??? Dang, that tells me all I need to know...

I met a woman who proudly told me she "never took a cent from her X h for child support"...gee, how wonderful. Her children lived in squalor but hey, SHE never took a cent from their father?!! Isn't she great?? Why didn't she refuse ALIMONY but still accept CHILD support? Child support wasn't HERS to turn down.
Who was she to turn THEIR money down? Why'd she do that?

B/C HER pride was HER motivation, and her vindictiveness against the kids' dad b/c he didn't get to see them. THEY Suffered b/c of HER choice and HER pride. Not one of them went to college and only one finished high school. They were tired of wearing crappy shoes, living in public housing and being hungry. One enlisted and the others are still on welfare --but away from HER...30 years later they still suffer from their horrid upbringing and poverty their poverty does not cause them to have a poor future. that was their own choices. I grew up in poverty and I went to college, I paid for it myself. and made a good life for myself as well.. They could have had more but thanks to HER pride and belief that it was all up to HER, they didn't.

Learn something here. This isn't YOUR money YOU are debating. You are so afraid of upsetting your already DIVORCED h, that your fears are causing you to risk money that does not belong to you. It is your child's funds and life style you are risking and To what end?

And the irony of it all, is that although you have the tiniest chance of a reconciliation with your X h, it would first require him seriously changing his ways and his life, and imo, you do the exact opposite of what could spark that into happening. He has not lost you. SO why would he miss what he still has? He can and does do whatever he wants, except what he's forced to do and even that, he barely does-- and with an attitude. And you enable it every time...amazing. What do you think that does for your "cause" Your GAL or your recon or your detachment? (remember that word? WE use it for a reason) How does that move you towards a future with OR without him?
You have been in this situation a LONG time....way way too long...OMG...
What is up with that? MAKE HER the priority in your life, and not your boozing XXXXXXXXX h.

j-

I could probably have highlighted more, but this is just an example. we're not here to bash the other person. I know you are passionate about helping her, but I think it will help more if we are more encouraging or using loving criticism.

the other thing is, I believe she does make her baby a priority. the general things we read here is about exH because that's where her struggles lie. I don't believe she lets exH have all reign of her life. does she dwell on him too much, yes, but she has put up boundaries and has stuck to them, like this last CS check issue.

This is a hard sitch because what is most important when people D, is to keep a good R between father (or mother) and child. I believe she is making some good choices in order for that to happen, not perfect, but good.

On the CS, lets get some facts. SO2, I do not know about how late he is/has been, or about any missed payments...you have mentioned 10 months were good...what happened the next months, how many times has he been late and how late was he? Has he missed a payment ever? these answers would be helpful in making the CS decision as well. My opinion is always to help the other person have the ability to be the best and do what is right by their OWN choice. Forcing people to do things is usually not the most helpful way to encouraging them to do what is right. Again, as I mentioned, filing for garnishment basically is telling the person being garnished that they can't be trusted.

However, if you approach them beforehand, and let them know and I really liked your thoughts 25, that it can make things easier. Try to look at it thru exH's eyes, and how could garnishing help him. (fyi, I definitely wouldn't use the word garnishment though)

anyways, I do agree with 25 about this being about baby in regards to the CS. But a person can also become vindictive with that as well.

SO2, If you decide to file, I think there is nothing wrong with that, but I think it is best to approach him about it first and try to make it a positive thing, he most likely will be upset, but IMHO he will respect you more if you do that, then if you file in secret- which IMHO will not help him respect you more. If you decide not to file yet I will support you there too, as I mentioned you have a great opportunity with you putting up that boundary and him abiding by it and then telling him what I wrote previously, but I would still like to hear how he has been late in the past to make a better judgment on it.

ultimately it boils down to YOUR decision, and I want you to pray about it, and be at peace with that decision, and then do the steps to make that decision work in your favor.