NC - W vanished ...

[newmama]

I know I am being thick, but I just don't see it. I don't even think she sees this as an A to be honest. She left and started a new relationship. I think that's how she sees it.

THEY ALL try to justify it! That's why it's the fog because they are so dense that they don't see the reality of the situation. Here is a sample "formula:"

WS starts acting distant, moody. They may be picking on the BS. They seem to put up a wall.
WS says things like ILYBINILWY, why did we get married, do you ever think you could be happier with someone else, what do we have in common anymore, etc.They rewrite the marriage history.
WS asks for a separation to "sort things out" and have some space.
WS suddenly has a new lover--whoa, how did they meet in 4 days? THEY DIDN'T.

My wife decided she wanted a six month separation and told me on 2 August about it.

During the time between 2 August and 7 September we continued to live together...Those 5 weeks were absolute hell and a lot was said, particularly by me about how much hurt, anger and upset I was feeling.

On 6 September, the day before she moved out I found out she had been texting another man that I had been suspicious of all along. She was having an EA with him that I think was probably also physical.

Sorry to rehash just wanted to point out how it fit with the formula.

I think what happens is that the 'I don't care' attitude actually doesn't fool the heart and it just files away the things that 'I don't care' about until the bag get's too full and out they all come.

This is a great analogy. I have been there several times. I'm nervous about going to a New Year's party at my friend's house this year because 1)New Years last year at her house with WH was when I found out about the affair. 2) I will be the only "estranged" wife i.e. "single" person. So I'm worried it will all build up and combined with alcohol will be disastrous.