Pls help--confused and fearful

[P17]

After all, What if you don't miss him? What if you think this D is for the best? What if you discover that he isn't the end all be all and you meet someone else whose company you enjoy? What if he is dumped by OW and you, then where will he go?

That is it in a nutshell. You've scared him DBD.

Here is an example from my sitch that I've said before.

At our last R talk with W about 2 months or so ago she said to me she'd spoke to D's mum and D's mum had said that I had been 'crying on her shoulder for 6 weeks'. I responded I actually cried on D's mum's shoulder for 20 minutes the day before W left because I found nasty texts between her and her mum. I asked D's mum about this and she swears she didn't say that.

Where am I going with this?

You see we, us LBS's, are supposed to 'cry on her shoulder for 6 weeks'. We're SUPPOSED to fall apart. We're supposed to think our lives are ending. We're supposed to cry, plead, beg and bring cakes to WAS's 'woe is me' party. Because when we do that it gives the WAS an incredible amount of power. When you have the power over somebody else's emotions that gives you two things 1) incredible strength 2) an easy outlet for you to blame shift to release your own sense of guilt. Normal people would not want that kind of power as it puts too much responsibility on us and after all, we are comfortable with who we are. WAS's love it - they get to be in control of our emotions which they then use to make them feel better - blame shift.

What you have just done to H is not show up for his 'woe is me party' and he's standing there, waiting, with the silly hat on. But you did get the invite, didn't you? Maybe it got lost in the post? But what if DBD isn't going to come to the party? That means I have to clean up all this mess myself?

He doesn't have that chapter in his book about DBD not playing his game. He's checked, it's not there.

He's scared now. He WAS in control. He has financial control over you. You called his bluff on that. He's lost that. The only thing left for him to do is to try and blame shift to you for his guilt. And, guess what, you're ignoring him.

He's lost control. You have it now.

He is involved in an A which, by their nature, are ncontrollable as they have no support.

He has no control over anything anymore. And that is a pretty darn scary place to be.

Keep it up DBD. You are doing an excellent job. Your H has completely underestimated you. That is probably the biggest DBing effort you could have done.

Good observation of a possible pattern of behavior, DBD! If he was nasty then, wow, look out for the filing of D but you can totally take him. We know!

Oh, you can take him. You already have him running around like a headless chicken. I think the phrase 'his goose is cooked' springs to mind.