I don't thing Luv is stubborn. I think her H is being a jackass, and she's starting to hate it/him, and is probably pushing him away. I think she's defending.
Help me understand, G.
To ME, stubborn would be... He acts like a jackass. She deals w/it for awhile. He realizes he's being a jackass, and apologizes/tries to make it right. Luv puts a wall up around herself, and keeps him out/away, and makes him suffer for his jackassness, w/out considering forgiveness, based on his apology.
He's not sorry. He's disputing her accusations w/out validating her concerns w/fact. He's being MORE of a jackass upon knowing she's suspicious.
Last edited by mindfull; 12/18/0901:47 AM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I don't thing Luv is stubborn. I think her H is being a jackass, and she's starting to hate it/him, and is probably pushing him away. I think she's defending.
Help me understand, G.
To ME, stubborn would be... He acts like a jackass. She deals w/it for awhile. He realizes he's being a jackass, and apologizes/tries to make it right. Luv puts a wall up around herself, and keeps him out/away, and makes him suffer for his jackassness, w/out considering forgiveness, based on his apology.
He's not sorry. He's disputing her accusations w/out validating her concerns w/fact. He's being MORE of a jackass upon knowing she's suspicious.
Gonna get some 2x4's from the guys but spoken like a true woman!
Luv Luvs Mind
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
He's not sorry. He's disputing her accusations w/out validating her concerns w/fact. He's being MORE of a jackass upon knowing she's suspicious.[/quote]
Wow Mind - you don't even know my H and you couldn't be more right. This says it ALL.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
H came in and handed me a gift he got at the office (a bottle of wine n chocolates) he says, "open it up and let's have some." We talk in the kitchen while sipping and he is talking about work so like the good for nothing wife I am..I listen.
In my mind I can't take this limbo feeling I have. I'm thinking in my head should I call him on his sh*t what should I do...I need to talk to him about what he's doing (EA or PA) so..
I ask him, "what is going on here I'm not happy the way things are?" He says, "I don't even wanna come home blah blah anymore." He has never said anything like this ever. I listen to his rant (it was calm) but he was telling me how he feels and even though I hated it - I kept composure and agreed with his negative feelings.
I got brave (and mad) said, "ya know...I don't want you unhappy so I am willing to let you go." I know I know..it was scary to do but he immediately backed off (the look on his face) like wow..she's serious. He back tracked a little (got the feeling he was trying to let me know he wasn't leaving just yet) don't do me any favors!
It seems he is more interested in being wrapped up at work and his travel and I told him, "I love you but I won't be second...I deserve respect." I forgot to tell you guys - he is listening to "his needs her needs." He mentioned it was good (but in a sarcastic way) he said, "I'm not gonna lie anymore"...like to pretend he's happy. I thought wow - that's what you got out of it? I thought it was about taking care of your partner's NEEDS. whatever.
I ended the conversation and we went to sit on the couch. I didn't act sad or upset at all. He was telling me about something at work (that lousy wife was listening once again) so all the time he is talking to me I am tuning him out thinking (i am growing hate for this man)
Here I am supposed to listen to you...care how you feel...but you won't do it for me? Thinking really angry thoughts - this man wants me to play wife but he won't treat me like one! He wants me to sit and have wine with him..talk to me when he feels like...have sex when he feels like it...I was really upset guys.
This morning I get up first - he served me coffee (hasn't at all lately) was talking to me etc - kissed me goodbye and said, "have a good day." He hasn't said that in a month! I can't help but wonder if he thought - I better cool it or maybe he is just feeling guilty cuz he's gonna go have his friday tryst with his ofc girlfriend. Who freaking knows.
Anyway guys...I wanted to tell you I am checking out. I'm ready to act AS IF - no matter what! 100% I've got to pull the rug out of my wavering H feet! I'm tired of being neglected. I'm tired. I feel ready to let him go if that's the case. I can't believe he refuses to have any consideration for MY FEELINGS!!!!
Good morning and thanks for reading....Luv
Last edited by luvless; 12/18/0902:53 PM.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
I have a suggestion, and you had the perfect chance to implement it last night.
So, he came home, acted like a NORMAL H, opened the wine gift, asked to share it w/you, talked like a NORMAL H, and...
Luv inititated a R talk... Not just A R talk... One that was fairly aggressive (even if said in a calm tone).
This may sound basic, BUT...
How about doing just like what you did for the kids when they were young????? REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOR
Enjoy the wine! Enjoy the talk! (Hell, you might learn something, especially since the possibility of an A is w/someone he works with!) Enjoy THIS KIND OF TIME TOGETHER!
And...
When he comes home in jackas$ mode, call him on it. Tell him, "H, listen, I know you're not happy. Neither am I. I think we need to spend some time apart right now. You need to go find somewhere else to be UNTIL you can be pleasant."
Whatcha think?
GUARANTEED he can feel your hatred, boredom, etc., etc., when he talks to you (when he's feeling normal).
SO WHY BE NORMAL?
Just remember, girlfriend, I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I forgot to tell you guys - he is listening to "his needs her needs." He mentioned it was good (but in a sarcastic way) he said, "I'm not gonna lie anymore"...like to pretend he's happy. I thought wow - that's what you got out of it? I thought it was about taking care of your partner's NEEDS. whatever.
You are mind reading. He understands the book. You blew a opportunity because of your nager.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
